Going to Sea, Again?

 I wish I could stop thinking about it.  At night the answer is no.  I see all the personal, practical reasons not to try this very clearly.  Waking up, it is pretty much resolved:  no, I am not going to do Ironman Texas or train  for it.  As the day wears on,  my good sense seems to erode and I think "maybe" yet again.

It is so hard to give up. This is one of the hardest things I have every tried to do. It is like accepting a death in a sense,  but there does come a time for everyone.  

There are so many demons out there just waiting to devour me if I make a serious move toward making another attempt.  For one, I am not sure I can do the training.  I am not sure my wife's health will hold up.  I am not sure I can be there for her as I might need to be if I am all trashed out with ironman training.  I don't know if my bad wrist from the bike wreck will make it through all the training.  I don't have a good place to swim or run and so on. And then there is the bum knee that has plagued me for years now.    I have reservations to overcome about outdoor bike riding after my bike wreck.  There are a lot of offs with this hand.  

So  before too much more time passes I am going to make a determination as to what side I am on. I guess this isn't too big of a problem to have.  And, in another sense, I feel blessed. Right now I just want to get on with it and put my face into the wind and "damn the torpedoes." But, I am gonna check with God first before I go to sea again.

I'm Gonna Have to Talk to God

 Stuff still hurts from the bike wreck.  It will be a while before I am near ready to seriously train.  Nights of limited sleep due to the pain in various body parts, had left me resolute that I should try other pursuits, What?  The answer never came. There was no resolution there.  Am I to just piddle around and wander from this little thing to the other?  Is the age of challenge in my life finally over?   Yes, I had resolved, and it was reaffirmed by every pain from every movement. 

I had almost successfully given way to the fact that I am too old for this. And I had gotten to the point that this endurance thing wasn't thought about that much anymore.  And it felt pretty good not to have that monkey on my back.  However, in quiet times it felt shallow, sort of as if, I had relegated my swimming to wading in the kiddie pool.  It will go away like these pains I endure, I told myself.  Be glad you had a good run of it and be glad it is over.

Sometime back I had made an order for merchandise from Ironman. Today it arrived to trouble my day. Just when I was almost on top of this giving up thing, my "Training for Ironman Texas" T-shirt arrived. It is beautiful and sad too. 

I type this with a sore hand and wrist, but the T-shirt stirred me inside.   I can't help but think "just maybe."  After all the time and effort and trouble I have put into giving in and giving up this mess.  So, the question is, "Am I in too deep in walking away from this stuff to walk back into the fray.?  At best it would be a long shot to even train for this event.  Why go in for another desperate, probably futile attempt?  That's seems wise to me but. 

There is no resolution in this post.  I am just going to have to talk to God.

Bike Wreck

 Last Sunday my son and I were on a bike ride.  I was following and we touched bikes and I went down hard on pavement.  My head hit but thankfully the helmet took the blow for my head. I was bleeding from several spots on my body and felt terribly shaken.  My son went to get the vehicle while I waited on the side of the road.  

A nice woman pulled up in a vehicle and asked if I needed any help.  I told her no, that my son was gone to get our vehicle,   However, she would not leave me there and she  stayed  and talked to me until my son came with the vehicle.  The world is not all what the news reports it to be.  There are concerned, caring, people out there, quietly going about doing good.  It was no surprise she is  a Christian.  

Now 72 hours later I am still sort of in a state of shock.  Parts of my body hurt but I don't think I have any broken bones, amazingly.  But, sleeping is pure horror trying to get into a position that is not painful.  Consequently, I haven't gotten a lot of sleep this week.  

This time I think I really did it.  This time I think I will require a very long recovery time and my athletic endeavors are pretty much over with for a while. And all the plans, purposes, and hopes have ended in a moment on a piece of pavement. Such is life.  Health and life is only for today.  The Lord's Prayer says, "Give us THIS DAY our daily bread."

I don't know where to take it from here right now.  I have no plans except to get through recovery.   So, I am grateful for all the great experiences I have had and the things I have accomplished.  And I am thankful for this day's bread whatever that may be.  The rest of the story? I have just have to leave the rest to God, whatever that may be. Nevertheless, thy will be done.

Life Is Richer Shared

 Mike Reilly is retiring at the end of the year.    Ironman is changing.  Maybe it has been changing all along, but the effects have just now surfaced?  I guess I have changed too along the way, because I understand all this more than I would have a decade ago.  I seems I am peaceful and more acceptable than I once was.  If that is so, that's a good thing. 

I guess it is firmly imprinted now that there is more to life than single minded focus to attain a personal goal.  I can see from Mike Reilly's resignation speech the conflicting emotions over doing the job he loves and  properly attending to the people he loves.  And the truth, - in my mind - is that if you gain the whole world of personal goals; if you kill the courses of every ironman out there, if you set a PR on every ironman you enter, and loose the richness of relationships with those you love, then, you have lost the race.  You have failed to finish.  I have lived long enough to know that these accomplishments and goals we achieve have a short shelf life, good relationships don't. 

So, what does that all mean to an old creaky codger that just hopes he can get through the training.  It means, enjoy the experience and bring those that love you along.  After losing so many people out of my life, I have regrets that I could have come closer to so many that are long departed.  I come to the conclusion that life is richer - shared.  

So, choose wisely those you bring close, but those that are close, bring them closer, include them in the joy of the process so there is no conflict of interest or purpose, but the joy of shared experience.   

How Crazy Can You Get?

 How crazy can you get?  Can you believe I am seriously thinking of signing up for Ironman Texas yet again?  Don't I know this can only end badly and expensively?  Yes, I know, but I read about this ironman stuff and see the pictures, conjure up the memories, and I am like a moth drawn to a flame.  How crazy can you get?  

But what do you do about this inherent weakness of mine to follow the ironman memories and hype off into the abyss?  Supposedly I have a heart rate that is too low.  Supposedly, I have AFIB.  Certainly, I am an asthmatic and certainly I will be racing as an 80-year-old.  How crazy can you get?  

Truth is, this could kill or cripple me.  So, what am I thinking?  I am thinking I would rather be living like I have nothing to lose, than settling in, looking for a place to waste away and die.  Old age for me are desperate times.  I fight the urge more than ever to cave in and go for a life of rest and ease until I die.  I thought it would be easier by now but it's harder.  

Finally, I am a frontiersman.  It took me awhile, but I am blazing paths where few have gone before at my age.  But thanks be to God I still live as a child of hope.  I am still standing with my hand in the Father's and my face into the wind, knowing that however this turns out; finish or not, live or die, my eternal finish line is sure.

The Triathlon Life: Would I Do It All Over Again?

 I see that the ironman folks I followed and appreciated so much are now gone from the ironman scene as participants.  And much of the gloss I had over the ironman event has dulled somewhat.  The challenge of it is inside me more  than ever now.  Maybe I have lost my way and then again maybe I have found my  place?

It makes me wonder if all this is winding down for me.  Are my present paltry training efforts but a few final spits and sputters before the engine dies?  If so, would I go this way again.  Would I walk this same road if presented again with the fork in the road where I chose triathlon?  I think so.  

Over the years I have collected photos and dialogue about each race I did - 53 in all.  I have used a few ink cartridges to print a couple copies of this book called, "My Triathlon Life."  Revisiting the stories and the photos make me smile and warm my heart.  Even though I am just inspiring myself, you might say.  It works.  And who knows but that those who come behind me might get inspiration from it as well.

I would do some things differently but mostly; I wouldn't change much.  The experiences as a novice were quite exciting and inspiring as well as the times, I got it all right. Yes, I would do it all over again.  

Yeah, I am probably getting a bit old to expect too much more, but I still do - just greedy for the good times I guess - but I am grateful to God for all that is my: "Triathlon Life"  book, and all that was in my heart and in my life, that brought me unto today.

It's Not My First Choice - But That's Life

 I sometimes catch myself wondering why I don't have many friends anymore.  Seems like I am a nice enough guy to me.  But maybe that is not how others see me?  But, upon closer inspection I find that I do have a lot of friends.  Unfortunately, most are deceased, and several are disabled in various forms.  I haven't replaced these friends as I went along.  So, I am left without many friends, it seems.  

As I approach 79 years old it is hard to find friends my age who do what I do.  Younger people admire old coots that do what I do.  But, they admire from a distance.  What young person wants to be around an old geriatric just trying to keep up.  Nice they give you kudos, but that's not what one would call a relationship. So here I am still feeling vital having trouble being comfortable around people my age or even 10-20 years younger.  Their many limitations, ailments, and lack of activity, and age bemoaning self-talk bring me down.  So, I find myself wanting to be around the younger folks who don't want me around.  

A line from the movie "Rocky Balboa:"   "The older I get the more things I gotta leave behind.   That's life."  So true.  It's life.  Get over it.  Move on. Stay the course; one step then another, though it be without a lot of friends.  Friends can't gut out the run for you in the last miles of the run on the end of an ironman.  Friends can cheer you on and give you kudos, but they can't loan you fresh legs.

That's life but I do miss those days of a group of us younger men all going off to some huge event together and sharing our stories and hopes for future events.  That's life but I sure miss that part of it, like you miss a departed loved one.  But those days are gone and cannot be relived, only grieved and appreciated.  So, I smile and am so very thankful for those memories as I prepare for making more memories in a different social environment:  alone.  It is not my first choice but "that's life" and it's still great. Thanks God

The Dog Days of Summer; Wasted Moments Whining

 The dog days of summer are upon us.  Down here, this is about as bad as it gets as far as weather. Sometimes we have some unusually nasty cold spells in winter, but often outside bike riding can be done during the teeth of wintertime.  So here we are, like cattle on the bank of river wondering how to get to the other side.  

There is only one way as it is in endurance sports as it is in life.  You just have to get in the water and get started for the other shore. The other bank will not look like it is getting any closer.  But it is.  You think this could go on forever.  But it won't.  One swim stroke, one more step in the right direction with the faith that it will all be worth it, and you are reaching closer to the other side all the time.  Just keep moving forward.

Of course, we could stay on the bank and moan around about how hot it is and how far it is to the other side.  I see people doing that all the time.  I have done it myself.  But for all the wasted moments whining about the heat and the distance, it didn't bring us one foot closer to the other side.  There is no easy way around it. We just have to get  in the water and get our feet wet.  Whining doesn't work. In fact, nothing works until we do.

The Bible says we are to "run with perseverance that is set before us."  We are to keep on, keeping on, though the other side of the river doesn't seem to be getting any closer. Swim on.  Even though the dog days of summer bear down upon us and nice weather training days seem so far away.  Move forward.  We will learn and grow through the effort and the journey.

My Training Self-Deception

 There have been two pretty good training weeks and I woke up very tired this morning.  So, I am confronted with the problem I always have with training and exercise:  taking some time off.  When I think about taking a day off, my mind immediately goes to all the push-pull stuff I could do around here. And these tasks would be as taxing  and fatigue perpetuating as training itself.  I am  caught in a trop; my own worst enemy.  

Why do I worry about my numbers and the way the training progress will look, when I am brain-fogged with fatigue?  Maybe if I just get out there and run or bike, I will feel less fatigued, and I won't have to miss a day?  So, with all this self-deception going on, for the most part, I live tired. 

I can see through myself on this but don't do much to correct it..  Maybe today?  After all it is a holiday.  Maybe confronting this area of self-deception my lead to me realizing and correcting other areas of self-deception in my life.  I can't do this on my own.  I will pray. Like the scripture says, "Search me and try me." 

Faith in the Dark

 Today is one year since I faced the question to have or not to have a pacemaker.  I was not symptomatic for anything, but my resting heart rate was in the 30s and the cardiologist thought it quite dangerous.  I could just pass out any time, even while driving or more or less just fall off the cliff so to speak and die.

In the beginning I had researched this and pretty much knew where this was going.  To be or not to be., more or less. No more splitting wood.  Open water starts in triathlon should be avoided.  This all came after I was told that a pacemaker was not a limiter, and I could lead a normal life. Normal for whom?  Not for me, I thought.  But if I might be in danger to myself and others, I should consider this.  

So, I prayed, and God was silent.  There didn't seem to be that connection.  So, I just asked for a sign, something to know the right direction.  I was sort of in the dark on what I should do.  I needed an answer.

After all the tests, the doctor came in a told me I did great on all my tests, my cholesterol was low, but my resting heart rate was in the 30s.  Scary stuff he more or less said, and you need a pacemaker.  He went through when, where, and all the protocol before and after a which I said, "I will have to pray about this." 

"You don't need to pray.  It won't do any good.  You need a pacemaker."  I was sort of stunned and then it hit me.  This is my sign.  Thank you, Lord.  So, I left the office not to return and followed my faith off into the dark guided only by the one true Light.  If I die. I die.  I was at peace about it all. 

Now a year later, I am still standing. I am still not symptomatic of anything.  Haven't been back to any doctor for anything.  I eat a whole food plant-based diet and take no medications.  I am quite active, and I never felt better, and I am 78 years old.   But if I do die in my sleep this very night, God can handle that too.  I have reservations so to speak

The Choice

 Ironman training is brutal and scary.  It takes so much out of me and my life.  I miss a lot of things going on around me. I am half-conscious in some conversations.  Why would anyone go through all this? In the late stage of ironman training, I often question my motives and my sanity. 

But there is a flip side to it.  The training itself is disciplined enduring and it adds a structure to life that I don't have when I am "taking it easy" like I seem to be doing now. Since time and energy are valued assets more in ironman training, a more judicious use of those assets is required. A lot of sort of "junk mail" activities get let go for the greater plan.  That practice bleeds over into ordinary life make it more efficient as well. 

And if I need a reason to stay with endurance sports or some serious and consistent exercise program, all I have to do is go shopping.  It seems America is eating and resting its way into physical care oblivion.  How can health care keep up with the demand this lifestyle  is placing and will place on our society?  And I wonder, when I look at the men my age:    is this the new normal, a lifestyle of physical erosion  into obesity and poor health  

Often I have looked at all the bikes and equipment in a transition area and thought how many thousands of dollars are represented there.  I look at the  men going in and out of stores and think how many thousands of dollars in medicines and health care are represented there as well.   And for all their normalcy, do they live any better, any less painful, than I do in the worst of ironman training?  I don't see happy on those faces.  I do see that on ironman participants.  It's my choice

Revive Again

 

It has been 4 weeks since the mountain bike wreck and broken ribs.  But, I think I am about healed.  Today I am going to do a light mountain bike ride again.  Of course, I am going through the same spot where I wrecked.  There just seems to be a pull to do that, to face the demons of the past.  

I remember about a year and a half ago, the area where this flower is now was covered in Snow.  It was a dark, bleak, cold time for the world. For me too.  But life and beauty persist in the very place of the cold, dark, and seemingly hopeless.  Such is the flower.  Such is a child of God.  Where the pain from the broken ribs persisted by day, and kept me awake at night, now breathes easily, and the feeling is strong.  I am blooming after the blizzard, despite the blizzard in my life.

Now it is incredibly hot and humid here and outside workouts are tough sweatfests but that too will pass and the now dried up bloom will revive again.  And I will too,.  I will revive again both in this life and in the one to come.

Scattered

 "Scattered" is the word a family member used to describe a mindset and lifestyle and it resonated with me immediately.  Lately there has been a lot going  in this transition.  There has been a lot of  thinking, and even some scattered attempts at planning.  But still, I am all over the place in this transition.  I am scattered.  But  I am not believing this is a permanent condition.  I don't think God will leave me like this.  

But I long for those days of un-scattered laser focus, ignoring competing sounds, noise, and influence   As scripture says, "Laying aside every weight and the sin which doeth so easily beset us, and let us run the race that is set before us."  I guess there is some "laying aside" to be done before laser focus takes over.  I have to give up.

Give up what? Give up the ordinary comforts in body, mind, and sprit that often lulls a person asleep to the life God has "set before us?"  Comfort just may the greatest danger to whatever calling God may have placed upon me.  Comfort is such a seduction as are comfort foods. Both can lead one down a dreamy path going no where  to a life scattered in its focus.  

And giving up can also mean sacrifice.  What am I willing to surrender to fulfill God's calling upon my life.  How much can I "deny myself" and "pick up my cross" -whatever that may be - and follow Jesus.  So, to get myself together I need to find my cross and do some cross carrying with Jesus.  No doubt that will lead to  being  able to "run that race that is set before us," and to have a life un-scattered..

Living by Exception

 I have been trying to eat whole food, plant-based for about 5 years now.  Yes, I am pretty healthy and capable at 78 years old.  I don't take medication.  Most of my markers are fine.  However, I have not lost the weight I would have hoped.  

What's wrong?  Wouldn't it be nice to be 20 lbs lighter to keep the extra load off the joints running or for climbing on the bike?  What's the problem?

So, at the beginning of this "transition" (see previous posts) I started tracking weight and dietary exceptions to my eating plan.  It wasn't pretty - back to knowing yourself.  What I found was that I have an eating plan rife with "exceptions."   "The truth will set you free" and "just" is the killer word that can keep you enslaved to habits that don't speak to your progress.  An eating plan shot through with exceptions will not lead to success, and excuses like "this little bit won't hurt" could be the saboteur of my weight loss.  

Is it really a plan at all or an act of self-deception if I turn aside at the first opportunity to yield to a temptation?  And doesn't this  apply to all phases and areas of our lives?  We can never get where we say we what to go if we ultimately live by exception to our plans.  For me, getting off on bad habits is sort of an erosion: an erosion of purpose, will, and finally personal progress.  

Coming to Myself Transition

This is sort of a continuation of the previous post about the scary business of being honest with yourself about yourself.   There is a scripture from the Bible that says, "And you shall know the truth and the truth shall set you free."  I think that verse is speaking of the truth of the Gospel setting us free from the law of sin and death. 

The truth about yourself will set you free too.  One can't change or improve very well if one does not know or acknowledge what is wrong. Knowing your faults and weaknesses and acknowledging them is the first step to confronting them.  The truth can set you free from self-delusion so you can move forward to be the person God designed you to be to begin with.  You can "arrive at the beginning" so to speak and come to yourself.  

I remember the story in the Bible of the prodigal son  who squandered his life and inheritance in a life of consumptive delusion to find himself broke and a Jewish boy working in pig pens eating what pigs eat.  Then he "came to himself" and began his journey back home, to his family, and to the himself he had left there to follow his delusions. 

It seems I am having a "coming to myself" transition.  I sense a need and a calling to  be more honest with myself and be true to the self I was designed to be. I need to be the same person all the time; no shadows, no false illusions.  And so far, so good.  My lifestyle and nutrition has been much better the last couple of days.  I almost feel the spirit rise up to meet me and help me in this quest for the legitimate self.  Praise God.

A Scary Look Inside

 For me, the hardest place to look seems to be inside.  I condemn other people and media for putting their own distorted   spin on events and behaviors while never confronting the spin I put on myself.  True self-awareness is hard to come by. - the beast that bites us upon approach.  Most often, self-awareness is a hostile area I really don't want to venture into - the ultimate adventure into the minefield of illusions about myself. .  

Would I want to be my friend if I met me out there in the world.?  What do I talk about that would make me  interesting and inspiring.  Would I want to spend more time with me or get to know me better.?

One day recently I recorded some of my own conversations and found I don't sound as good as I thought I did.    Hmmm.   Maybe that is  why I, along with many people, dwell a lot on other people's faults and crazy notions?

In preparation for  going on yet another endurance sports journey,  I started keeping a log of all the junk I eat every day.   Nutrition is critical for what I am looking toward, and I can't rely on my own nutritional self- perception.  The truth wasn't pretty.  The truth is hard to come by about yourself, but like it or not, its the truth.  I can either change, or go on and feed and fatten my illusions, and probably not live up to the best I could achieve. 

The light of the truth flushes out all  weakness and indiscretions.  Do I really want to see myself as God sees me.  As the Bible says, "no shadow of turning?"  Can I live without shadows to hide myself and all my bad habits within?  God knows, and He doesn't believe our self-spin for a moment.  He wants us to realize and repent to go on to "run the race" He has set before us.

Courage

  You never expect it.  It was almost dark when  I was coming around a curve  on my mountain bike about 12 miles an hour.  I couldn't see what, but something caught my front wheel, and off I flipped into the bushes.

For a week now I have had to put up with rib soreness, cuts and abrasions, and a swollen and discolored thumb.  There may be a broken rib.  I don't know.  I could go to the doctor for it, but my  idea is that he/she would only X-ray it, say it  and tell me it will be 6 weeks, and here are some pain pills if you need them.  For that I could pay a 150-200 deductible, but at least I would know, for whatever good that would do me.  It will still take 6 weeks. I have had broken ribs before. 

Again, endurance sports training is a lot like life:  the pursuit of excellence requires a lot of hard work, commitment and dedication.  And thrown in there you have to be able to get hurt and come back  You got to be able to take a punch, because life will hit hard sometimes  Looking back over my training log history, I find it is replete with seemingly one injury after another over the years.  And so is life.  We grow when we face what we are  confronted  with,  and what we can overcome.  

 It would seem the key to personal, physical, and spiritual growth is courage. Courage to confront against the odds; courage to keep on when pain screams loudly and all seems lost; courage to ignore the voices of naysayers and doomsday prophets; courage to admit mistakes, to see that the course wasn't  going in the  "direction of your dreams," and turn away from it.  And, it requires courage to have faith; faith in yourself, faith in  your training, faith in your fellow man, and most of all faith in God. 

From the Ashes - Again

 Ironman Texas has left the station without me - again.  Some things are just out of my control if I am going to try to remain a caring, committed individual.  I thought it wasn't affecting me much, but I realize now that I was in a sort of numb post-mortem daze.   It got me by.  But now that feeling has returned to my spirit, I have many more questions than answers - life in stagger mode.  Basically, I am resolved to just be led by God in all this.  I keep praying and little by little I can see that I am beginning to get this sorted out somewhat.  Still, there is a way to go.

Strange dreams last night led me to wonder.   One dream was quite positive, affirming and in vivid detail.  Another was more indistinct, yet it had a clear instruction:  start another blog, write another book, or something for the media, called 'THIS I BELIEVE."   It is to be an assertion of my faith in Christ in some form or fashion, though I am not quite sure exactly how this is to be played out.  So, I will pray.

So, here goes again. I have been brought from death to life yet again.  Surely God must be tired of me coming to Him about all this time and again?    Just kidding.  I know He is faithful and caring and wants us to live in hope for this world and the other.

A Day Unlike Any Other Day

By Marvin Dittfurth

https://booklocker.com/books/12152.html and also on Amazon

Week # 24 - Training for Ironman Texas 2022

 Week 24 won't start until tomorrow morning but thought I would get this in.  It went well this week. Got in a really good indoor bike ride of 82 miles - 5 hours in the saddle.  Indoors, that is no small task.  But, don't think  though I am bragging except on God.  I am just so grateful.  This was an answered prayer and it brings me joy, if only for no.  So,  I am going on farther  into the Ironman abyss.  For now, I dare to dare.  

My world seems to be taking on that hue I remember from other efforts, when you can't think about much else but what, when, and how for the training.  The world gets like a darkened tunnel you are in.  Your become more resolute as if it may have been decided already that you are ready to pay the price.  If I have learned anything in almost eight decades on this earth it is that most things of lasting value require sacrifice.  

And too, the training focus puts so many things in the shadows in the light of importance.  And really, maybe these things weren't really that important or urgent to begin with and it takes a focused ironman effort to reveal what is truly important and real. 

So for now, as I sit here all rum-dum and worn out physically and mentally in front of this computer, I want to go on with this and do week #24.  May God continue to bless this old frame on his journey.

 

A DAY UNLIKE ANY OTHER DAY by Marvin Dittfurth (booklocker.com)

Week 23 - Training for Ironman Texas 2022 - Finally Caving to "too old"

 Had a smashing indoor bike ride last night but when I got off I could barely walk.  Both calves were terribly sore and there was pain up and down both legs with every foot plant.  My left leg has been hurting at night but I am assuming that is because it is my week leg with the trashed knee. 

As bad as the pain was last night and even this morning. It looked like my ironman effort is over.  And, it might be over.  All that remains to be seen.  What is that going to do to me?  Do I finally cave to the world screaming "too old?"  Maybe so.  Maybe it is time to let this go on by and do other things, still active, still engaged, just not so big of thing as an ironman.  Truth is, I am really seriously considering that. 

But if there's a chance, a really good "just maybe," well maybe I should try to go on. Some of this injury fatigue is perfectly normal for ironman training the last couple of months. But, I will have to talk to God about this either way. 

A DAY UNLIKE ANY OTHER DAY by Marvin Dittfurth (booklocker.com)

Week # 22 Training for Ironman Texas 2022 - At the End of It All

 I remember that morning well.  It was still dark when we left the hotel. The wind was already fierce.  The American flag at the hotel was ringing its chains and flopping loud in the strong wind.  Oh my.  I have to do a triathlon in that?  Maybe I should not risk it. Maybe the waves will be too high, and the swim will be cancelled.  But the bike, what about the bike?  The course is fairly open and even has a long bridge over the lake.  This wind might blow us over.  I think my stomach is a bit unsettled.  Is this something I should postpone and avoid, for safety's sake, for sure? 

When we arrived at the race site, the waves could be heard rolling in upon the shore.  The wind was howling.  Do you suppose they will go ahead with this?  Should I attempt to go on with stuff.  All my readymade and well-prepared excuses were dumped out there to supposedly add reason and wisdom, but the effect did not take. I wanted it. Fear had somehow morphed into courage, and I wanted it.  I wanted to put my face in the waves and my face into the wind.  I wanted the challenge to stay upright on my bike.  I wanted the whole experience - even if.

Just getting out of the car and unloading the bike and my gear made me braver and I smiled just a bit inside.  The swim was not easy, and I swallowed some water here and there, but I got out with a grin and a good feeling.  My bike leaned with the crosswind going across the lake, but I held it firm and did not fall.  

At the end of it all, I had one of my best triathlons ever.  To think - what would I have missed all that by staying in that safe hotel room, or if we had turned the car around and went home and didn't race?

I think this is my situation with Ironman Texas now, many, many years later.  It looks rough out there for me.  The training isn't going all that well and the time is creeping up on me.  I can really get hurt out there and I have legitimate excuses this time just to stay home and let this ironman thing go on by.  But, what about that great experience that I might leave undone, the genie I left in the bottle.  

https://booklocker.com/books/12152.html

Week # 21 Training for Ironman Texas 2022 - Burn On

 The week has started well enough.  I did a 3 hour run Monday and it made me realize more vividly just how brutal this event is going to be.   I got in a 2000 yard swim yesterday in my wetsuit and it made me realize more vividly how far my training has taken me.  And, in summation, I feel good about it.  As the Bible says, I feel - "I am ready to be offered and the time of my departure is near ----"  But, the last two days was great weather.  Today however  it is cold, damp, windy, and overcast and I haven't broken a sweat yet.  

This tells me that no matter how well I do or think I am doing there is always that sedentary me in there just waiting for an excuse to express itself, to take over my activity level, diminish it, and try to destroy my hope in the process.  It also tells me that one must be constantly and vagrantly on guard against the propensity of the lesser self to want to express itself and drench our dreams.  The lesser sense is a fireman, constantly on duty to pick up on any dreams, hopes, and fire in the spirit and   try to quickly extinguish the blaze.   

Burn on, oh fire of the spirit, blaze brightly leading me on the path to the greater self, to put a smile on God's face that in spite of all, I overcame.

https://booklocker.com/books/12152.html

Week # 20 - Training for Ironman Texas 2022 - Am I Whipped?

 Another mediocre week last week and I can see a pattern here.  Life is sucking the life out of my ironman effort. No long runs, no long rides, no swimming at all, what can I expect from this half-baked training?  I do have consistency and some intensity going for me, but whether that will carry me past the lack of long training, or heavy weeks, well, I sort of doubt it. 

So, there is the problem And, what do I do about it?  Do I fold my tents and go home to an easier focus or do I find a way to bear down and get things done in this ironman training? This is a no brainer.  I can't see giving up until I know I am whipped - which I just might be.  This week I am going to go full tilt with a couple long bike rides with one having a fairly long run behind it. And then there will hopefully the stand alone - long run.  If I can't do this, I will say I am whipped and start the tent folding and the next post here will be a goodbye note. 

So there it is: my expressed disappointment in my self with yet hope for the future, with a test to see if there is indeed a future in this ironman enterprise.  I have prayed about this and I sense it is a good plan. God bless me in it and on this journey.

A Day Unlike Any Other  Day. https://booklocker.com/books/12152.html

Week # 19 Training for Ironman Texas 2022 - In Dreams

 What a hilly course, this ironman training.  I just can't hold a pace anymore it seems with training.  The day to rhythm is captured then lost. I suppose it could be a lot of personal issues competing for my energy and passion. And, sleep hasn't been that good.  Sleep is always a big if.  

And last night I had a dream.  In the dream I was in the presence of someone and having a serious discussion with them.  The face of the person I was talking to was not revealed, but something in that presence made me think it was my Dad ...who has been dead for 38 years.  Scary stuff and a bit weird, I know.  But the presence ended up conveying that I should not do the Ironman in April.  What? 

When I woke up it was hard to get real again.  Could this be a real warning?  Could this be some sort of sign that something bad is going to happen, or that it isn't the best use of time, energy, and resources at this time?  Is this a spiritual sign or was it just a crazy dream?  I am going to have to pray some more about this one. 

I wouldn't be completely heartbroken if I did back out.  There are so many other issues concerning my wife's health and other things, that I need to spend more time on.  I  had been hoping to get this done and then take care of business, but perhaps, who knows?  Like I said I will pray have to pray some more about this   I sure would like some sort of sign and I have asked for one already.  Now, patience Marv.   Wait and trust. 

I have already had  runs at this ironman thing many times over the years, and have written about my ironman journeys in life in a recent book.  Maybe it it time to close the book on ironman with "The End."   I will have to pray some more on this one.

A Day Unlike Any Other  Day. https://booklocker.com/books/12152.html.

Time to go to bed and perhaps - dream again.  

Week # 18 Training for Ironman Texas 2022 - Leaving the Rest Stop

 Today it is cool and raining outside.  The sound of the rain on the roof and the water dropping off the eves of the house, spawns a passive mood for the day. The temptation to put another log on the fire and daydream the day away is a force to be reckoned with.  The easy road, the comfortable place, is a good place to stop and recoup from all the hard miles performed.  But ---

This rest stop is no place to live.  At the end of the day called our lives, a life spent at the rest stop won't be that fulfilling to look back upon.  We can easily be cheated out of the most rewarding and fulfilling and thrilling aspects of our lives by the comfort zones of life's rest stops.  

I have put a lot of time and effort into this venture already  - it is week 18 of training, for goodness sakes - and this is no place to stop and count your blessings.  It is time to leave the rest stop and go out and receive even more blessings that God has in store for you.  

Oh yes, the Bible says, "Be still and know that I am God."   But my contention is that once we are still and we know God from it, it is time to leave the rest stop and embrace the gift He has prepared for us.  My goal is to pursue the gifts God has up the road for me, like Ironman Texas 2022:  win, lose, pass, or fail, I am leaving the rest stop.

https://booklocker.com/books/12152.html

Week # 17 Training for Ironman Texas 2022 - It's Lonely on the Ledge

This week is about done, and I am just getting the blog out.  My momentum seems to be in sloth mode these days.  My training is going OK: not great.  It seems I need periodic infusions of inspiration for me not to fizzle to a stop.  What does that Mean?  I don't know.  It would be nice to have a little rah-rah in my cornier but largely I do this training in the dark so to s peak.  No one really knows that I am training for anything except my wife.  And whose fault is that but mine?  I think I am afraid to involve others around me because I am afraid they don't care, and I don't want the reality put upon me to face right now. Perhaps that is why?  

In my corner of the world no one knows much about triathlon to begin with.  About all folks know to say when I talk about this crazy stuff is "that's nice," which is the poster child of neutral responses.  Sum all this up and one can say, it is lonely here on this ledge.  

However, all this serves to drive me closer to God.  The emptier my motivational world becomes, the more I find I go to God quicker and depend upon Him more.  Perhaps, that's the plan.

Week #16 - Training For Ironman Texas 2022 - Blessed by the Freedom to Fail

 

16 weeks,or 4 months  - I have been at this.  There have been good and not so good weeks, and some just plain mediocre weeks.  However,  I am still moving forward.  My running isn't where it needs to be. Due to the cold weather and the lack of swimming areas in this part of the world, I am not swimming at all.  Of course, I am concerned, but there is a resolute side to this.  

It seems I have more or less decided to just go on and train as best I can and get in the water and get beat up and fail at it,  or get it done and get beat up.  Just do it.  Just go on and do it, and don't fret the sloppy journey to it.  Just enjoy the journey itself.  Not many people get to live like this. Though,  I am pretty not that many  people don't want to. But I wouldn't trade my sloppy, miserable training for anything I have seen other people my age devote their lives to. That's just me.  It is not better. It's not worse. It's just me.

And I thank God for that freedom to be me and to be reveling in my mistakes and shortcomings in this sport.   I thank God for liberating me to be myself, to pursue my passion, and, most probably, fall on my face in this effort.  I am blessed for the freedom to fail. 

Week # 15: Training for Ironman Texas 2022 - Challenges for Dinosaurs

 Winter weather is finally settling in and training will have some new challenges.  Of course, that is one of the things I think I like about being in training, is the challenges that come and having to overcome them.  Or, perhaps I become overcome and have to pick myself up off the floor and fight on.   

At this age training is infested with so much doubt.  The fragility of life and capability has been impressed severely upon me, and I have to fight living fearfully.  Another challenge to be overcome:  old age fear of what could happen. 

And when I run out of personal things to be fearful about, I can start worrying about the event being cancelled due to COVID again.  I have been kicked down the road to this event, through deferrals for a couple years now.  It is enough to cause concern with the event this year:  another challenge to overcome.

I just use the "give me this day" approach to my training.  My goal is to get the workouts done on my training schedule for that day. And the days have been good to me.  Last week was  one of the biggest weeks training that I have had in more than a year and I don't feel that bad from it.  How great!

There are not many of us Ironman dinosaurs left in these events anymore.  Creepers like me are a dying species destined for extinction.  What I am trying to do is really off the charts when it comes to insanity.  It's crazy to go on with this, I know.  But God is with me in it so far and I guess I will be there taking one day at a time until He stops me, in training or in the event.  Or He might just bless me and let me finish this bad boy within the cut off.  In all cases, I am truly blessed.

Week # 14 Training for Ironman Texas 2022 - New Year - Same Old Nemesis

 COVID is out of bounds as I try to ramp up my training.  Two good training this week were greeted by bad COVID news   personally, nationally, and world-wide.  So many people, so much fear, and illness, and I feel almost ashamed to be worried about my litlle corner of the universe and what I want to do with Ironman.  

Will this ever end or just be one long truce with disease?  Will my family and friends with this be the same coming off this disease, if they survive?  When is it going to be my turn to be sick with it?  How will this impact my training and my pursuit of this dream.  So many unanswered questions and I have left to lean into is God.  God has  got this, no matter.  None of this is the end; not COVID, not the possibly smashed dream, not my own life.  I believe in God and because He lives, I shall live also, no matter.  

So, I move on doing what I am called to do in the face of looming disaster of sorts.  I'll just keep working at it until He hollers "quitting time."