Monday, July 21, 2014

Giving Up Giving Up

Never venture on that Ironman road again. It is over. Right. Sure. Giving it up. Last blog. Oh sure. With those kind of misrepresentations, I should go into politics, maybe. But, no. I am just a regular folk; nothing special. Not going to put a spin on it; and so I say it straight out: I lied.

Basically, I am not naturally a "giver-upper" and I knew that when I said I was giving up on ironman. Sure, I knew once the pain of personal defeat subsided that the phrases, "maybe," or "perhaps try again," would have to be dealt with if I were to be successful at giving up.

Trying my best to give up was sort of bizarre. It made me different; a different I didn't like as much. And the people around me probably didn't like me that much either. Bless them for puttting up with me. Life took on the color of grayscale print; a deep funk; out of bounds in a terribly unnatural world of the defeated; like an amputation of a part of my spirit. I felt disabled.

And so I prayed and I prayed. Day by day it got easier. Easier to give up? No. It became easier to accept myself and all my ironman failures; to come face to face with the realization that I had been lying, not just on my blog, not just to those who support me, but ultimately to myself. I had failed at ironman and now I had failed at giving up; thank God. Now, I know I have to go with who I am. There is no other good choice because I truly believe NOT giving up is God's first choice. OK, I am convicted. OK. I lied. I repent I am going to give up giving up.

Never give up on something you can’t go a day without thinking about.

Thursday, July 17, 2014

Moments: A Hundred Years Old

Moments: A Hundred Years Old: Ellen Dittfurth – Age 100 Born 7/18/14 – a few weeks before World War I and about six years before women had the right to vote. She was...

Tuesday, July 15, 2014

How Much is a Picture Worth?

A picture is said to be worth a thousand words. That’s great, unless it is a picture you don’t necessarily want to see. If it is a self-revealing picture, perhaps a few words would suffice and we could go deeper into denial and self-delusion.
That is particularly true with weight and body shape. I think that because the scales say I weigh about ten to fifteen pounds more, than I should and my pants fit a lot tighter, it is simply me putting on muscle. Muscle weighs more than fat: tired, tired, very tired and lame excuses.
But there was no denying the truth in my photos from the triathlon I did last weekend. I am close to being fat. It is no wonder my running suffers and going up hills on the bike is harder than it once was. Probably, my swimming improvement was enhanced by my increased ability to float because of all those fat cells. Oh it not muscle and it is not only aging up. It is not all that complicated. I eat too much. Sure eat good foods: enormous quantities of them.
My wife took a movie of me finishing up the run. My guppy-like appearance is hard to take. So, I have a plan. Every night, when I shouldn’t be eating anymore (but I have in the past), I will watch that movie of me looking like I am pregnant. It is easier to say yes when there is a burning yes inside.
And, it isn’t good use of the body God gave me. It isn’t good use of the opportunities God has placed before me. So, I will be watching my fat moving and praying for strength to resist and overcome my poor eating habits. Perhaps through having to choke down my own dose of personal reality, I can be more patient and understanding of others who yield themselves and lessen their lives, giving in to other temptations?