I can cry more now that I am an older person. Perhaps, I have matured enough to let emotion express itself and not try to control. Perhaps, I am not as afraid.
Looking back as I round the bend to become 75 years old this year, I find that I can easily tear up over the loss of a loved one, special memories, children who get hurt or abused, moving music, a total surrender prayer, things of my faith, and all kinds of things I let inside more easily now with age. And I can mist up over endurance sports as well, especially ironman - my own ironman quest, and the quests of others . Today I watched the trailer of the movie coming out, We Are Triathletes https://us.demand.film/we-are-triathletes/ and again, I was moved to tears. It wasn't sadness that brought the rain, but passion, feeling, inspiration all just bubbling over and out my eyes.
I smile to think that I am so blessed to have things that reach that deep into me and make me feel truly and fully alive. I think it is a gift from God - one I shouldn't ignore or take for granted. In looking back at the photos of my last attempt, I still feel that tearing up, that welling up of emotion, that pull toward wanting more, wanting it again - gift and a calling from God
This all says to me that regardless of age, and beyond all doubt, there really is no other good choice but to go on until God says stop. What would be the wisdom in giving up on something that makes me feel this much alive, and this close to God.
Times it seems embarassing that I have failed at this so many times and here the old thing goes again is what folks may say. But fail or succeed, I'm going go at this ironman thing again, and build upon the moments I can't put into words," Making moments and memories to cry tears of joy about for the rest of my life. Thank God, I am blessed with the quest.
Follow up: Yesterday when I saw the email to sign up for Ironman Texas, it sort of caught my breath, a flip in the stomach.
Again, I am in. Praise God.