Thursday, March 30, 2017
Last night I had a dream that I had been given the death penalty. It was so real. In the dream I remember that I thought, "Yeah, this is only a dream and I will wake up from this." Then another thought followed, "No, this isn't a dream. It's real. You have been given the death penalty." Like most dreams, it didn't make sense that I was convicted and sentenced for some error I had made on my taxes or something. And, I was walking around a mall waiting for the suits to get the paper organized to go on and execute me. I thought that I won't be able to run anymore; better do it now. And, I started running in the mall among the people. That felt so good so right; so sad it was the last time. And I had wished I had settled things more from a material standpoint for my wife. I wished I had said good-bye longer and better. And, there seemed to be a hypersensitivity to life. Even small things had richness and meaning. And I wished I had more days to live it out better. Then I woke up.
It is almost like a second chance; with a revised perspective, and here I am in the teeth of training for Ironman Texas. Is this something I would do if I knew I was going to get the death penalty? Absolutely. To live out a passion, purpose, plan and dream, shouldn't be taken lightly. If it beats me up, or I don't live through it, at least a big part of my life won't be left undone. The dream made me fully realize that this is life. You can't save it. You can only use it, or lose it trying to hoard it. Scripture says, "Whosoever saves his life shall lose it and whosoever loses his life for My sake, shall find it."
I have prayed and prayed about this; told God that I am scared to death; told Him about all my ailments, disabilities and injuries, and even reminded Him about my advanced age. He seemed to answer, "So, you think I don't know that: do what you are called to."
As far as the event itself, it doesn't look good, but I know I must, at least try; to line up and get in the water anyway; risk the temptation to play it safe. If I fail, I fail at a worthwhile pursuit, doing my best.