Faith in the Dark

 Today is one year since I faced the question to have or not to have a pacemaker.  I was not symptomatic for anything, but my resting heart rate was in the 30s and the cardiologist thought it quite dangerous.  I could just pass out any time, even while driving or more or less just fall off the cliff so to speak and die.

In the beginning I had researched this and pretty much knew where this was going.  To be or not to be., more or less. No more splitting wood.  Open water starts in triathlon should be avoided.  This all came after I was told that a pacemaker was not a limiter, and I could lead a normal life. Normal for whom?  Not for me, I thought.  But if I might be in danger to myself and others, I should consider this.  

So, I prayed, and God was silent.  There didn't seem to be that connection.  So, I just asked for a sign, something to know the right direction.  I was sort of in the dark on what I should do.  I needed an answer.

After all the tests, the doctor came in a told me I did great on all my tests, my cholesterol was low, but my resting heart rate was in the 30s.  Scary stuff he more or less said, and you need a pacemaker.  He went through when, where, and all the protocol before and after a which I said, "I will have to pray about this." 

"You don't need to pray.  It won't do any good.  You need a pacemaker."  I was sort of stunned and then it hit me.  This is my sign.  Thank you, Lord.  So, I left the office not to return and followed my faith off into the dark guided only by the one true Light.  If I die. I die.  I was at peace about it all. 

Now a year later, I am still standing. I am still not symptomatic of anything.  Haven't been back to any doctor for anything.  I eat a whole food plant-based diet and take no medications.  I am quite active, and I never felt better, and I am 78 years old.   But if I do die in my sleep this very night, God can handle that too.  I have reservations so to speak