Am I in an ironman rut? I keep signing
up. It seems I am incurable of this ironman addiction. What
can I say? Moving on would be a good option. Why not? Hasn't there
been enough time, energy, and resources expended on this ironman
stuff?
Despite all that, I find myself still in the
ironman game; theoretically at least. Recently I deferred Ironman Texas
to Ironman Texas 2022. Of course, I will be too old then. I'm too old
now. I have too old for ironman for a few years now. Old guys like me
trying to do an ironman are an anomaly, not having the self-respect not to go
out and make a fool of oneself trying to outlive your time. Just an old
fool trying vainly, desperately, and pathetically to hang on to the shreds of
athletic life. I know all that. But I trudge on unsure now that I
have the drive to complete all the training, unsure my wife, who is older than
I, will have the health to support me in yet another Ironman quest.
But yet, I keep going on, acting out the senility that comes with this age, I suppose. Like a robot,
I just numbly keep signing up as if I were some robust thirty-year-old with all the
energy and rah-rah necessary for this beast of a quest.
Maybe too, my malady is an indication of an personal life vitamin deficiency, an indication of an incompleteness; a life that needs an ironman future to give purpose and fulfillment to it? I don't know. We all need a reason to get out of bed and go at whatever makes us purposeful and come alive, don't we? But,if that is true wouldn't you think that I have about used this ironman purpose thing up? I don't know.
Do I really want to go at it again with all that goes with that? Do I want the dead-legged feeling in my life for a few months next year? I don't know. Do I want that brain-dead foggy mental feeling that comes from the long training? Is the price too high for me this late in my game? Can't I find, and be satisfied with some other purpose, some other reason to get out of bed and have a go at life; something besides Ironman? I don't know.
If things remain the same in family and
personal matters, I could conceivably do the ironman training. If things
go really, really well, I might have a chance to finish. If I finish it
would be seriously been a crowning achievement in my life. And if others note that
achievement, see my faith, my perseverance, they might become inspired to assume the risk and try to become
all God intended them to be ; whatever that might me. It's not
impossible. I know that.
