Lethargy began by me taking my foot off the gas. That somehow seems to be what people do when they reach a certain state in life or age. Don't I want to be like other people? Aren't we hard-wired for that? We like to be loved and noticed but from the safety of camouflaged lives. Safety first.
Now, months into limited training, the sloth jacket fits me quite well. And the peace and comfort it brings me, makes me wonder why would I ever go back to living a life with my hair on fire? Life is easy, comfortable, quiet, not confrontational, and almost effortless. Wasted time goes flying by. Days pass and I wonder what I did with them except consume. How wonderful to be so disengaged with effort in life.
This has been going on so long I don't seem to miss the wars anymore. I am like a lion in a cage that had the door left open but never left. The cage is just too quiet, easy, and comfortable to leave. It all seems like a kind of peaceful death I don't regret anymore.
But, in the recesses of what wilder spirit left in me, there is a spark of wonder. Could I start that fire again and make it blaze like before? And if I did that, would I be happy in it anymore. Or would I saunter on back to my cage to comfortably wait the end?
Lots of questions. No real answers. I think I will go for a trainer ride.
