Saturday, October 29, 2022

Going to Sea, Again?

 I wish I could stop thinking about it.  At night the answer is no.  I see all the personal, practical reasons not to try this very clearly.  Waking up, it is pretty much resolved:  no, I am not going to do Ironman Texas or train  for it.  As the day wears on,  my good sense seems to erode and I think "maybe" yet again.

It is so hard to give up. This is one of the hardest things I have every tried to do. It is like accepting a death in a sense,  but there does come a time for everyone.  

There are so many demons out there just waiting to devour me if I make a serious move toward making another attempt.  For one, I am not sure I can do the training.  I am not sure my wife's health will hold up.  I am not sure I can be there for her as I might need to be if I am all trashed out with ironman training.  I don't know if my bad wrist from the bike wreck will make it through all the training.  I don't have a good place to swim or run and so on. And then there is the bum knee that has plagued me for years now.    I have reservations to overcome about outdoor bike riding after my bike wreck.  There are a lot of offs with this hand.  

So  before too much more time passes I am going to make a determination as to what side I am on. I guess this isn't too big of a problem to have.  And, in another sense, I feel blessed. Right now I just want to get on with it and put my face into the wind and "damn the torpedoes." But, I am gonna check with God first before I go to sea again.

No comments:

Post a Comment