Ending With a Whimper: Beginning With Prayer

It wasn't what I worked for but it was what I got. Ironman week was a stress fest on several levels and got worse when I jerked my bad leg avoiding traffic, twisted on my bad knee, and pulled that leg from hip through hamstring to heel. My chances for finishing got even slimmer.

A walk to the finish line area the night before was the clincher. I would never see it. I knew it. There was a tightness in my chest. My breathing was restricted. My chest felt like it was full of fizz or something. I felt out of control. Back at the room, it became even worse: belching constantly; Excedrin did no good at all for the throbbing headache and I could not sit still. I was a mess.

All night long I wrestled with the shortness of breath, the tightness in my chest, and a few times I broke out into a heavy sweat. My wife cooled me down with wet towels and I tried to sleep. What is wrong with me? Finally, the wake up call, but I did not get up. I was sick, tired, and scared. I did not start.

After all I have been brought through, this is how it ended: sort of with a whimper. My heart and head down, I went to get my bike and gear bags. Coming back a nice lady saw me going the wrong way to participate and she asked what was wrong. Sick, I told her. She asked was I going to be OK and I told her I hope so.

"What is your name? I will pray for you." In the midst of my worst day, God is still in my life; God is still God. God still cares. I had met His messenger and she had prayed for me: I could feel the prayers. It will be OK.

Ironman Texas Getting Close - Doing the Best I Can Do

Packet pick up today at Ironman Texas. Oh, it is getting so close. So much doubt. After years of training, why so much doubt? I didn't do enough 100 mile plus bike rides. I didn't run enough. I didn't do long enough runs. All I could do just doesn't seem to be enough. If I don't make this, it will be a brand new experience for me. I've done all I could with the hand that I have been dealt. If it isn't enough: it was the best I could do.

And, I think that is all God requires of me; requires of all of us: the best we can do. We are human. We fall short. We fail. But the pursuit of excellence is what I think is really required of us. This Saturday I will be in hot pursuit of doing my best. The results I will leave to God.

The Journey Continues - Last Week Before Ironman Texas

And the journey continued today when I took my bike in for a tune up. After being on this taper for three to four days, something is coming back. I want to ride. I want to swim. I want to run. I want to pour myself out. I want to even fail to finish, if that is the case. Whatever—I want to begin the end of this marvelous journey.

This has been a three year journey over personal mountains and minefields, but I am still standing and I am here prepared as best I can for Ironman Texas. Praise God. I’m not that talented, or dedicated, or persistent, or consistent on my own to have come through all that. I had help, leadership, and strength. I had God and He had me. And, I have God now for my event- win, lose, succeed, or fail; “nevertheless not my will but Thine be done.” This event in my life is because God got me to it, so-this event is for God, no one else: this ironman effort is for God.

When I enter the water it will not be by my own courage and determination but by the God who gives me that courage and determination to begin. I cannot fail even I can’t complete the event; finish the course. This is my hope and through that hope and faith may I give it all I can, and to God be all the glory.


http://www.ironman.com/triathlon/events/americas/ironman/texas.aspx#axzz31yYyfXwh

It Looks Bad for the Home Team

My Dad had a saying: “It doesn’t look good for the home team.” He probably heard it on a radio broadcast of a baseball game. But, it seemed to fit some “in over our heads” situations that we sometimes got ourselves into. The old saying still brings a smile to my face, but it also aptly applies to my Ironman Texas effort.

http://www.ironman.com/triathlon/events/americas/ironman/texas.aspx#axzz31yYyfXwh

After all this training for Ironman Texas and after all the nursing and stretching and strengthening that bad leg; after all of my best efforts, still my times over endurance don't seem fast enough for long enough time for me to make the cut off. Chances are I will have to face failure and “it doesn’t look good for the home team.”

But I have gone too far to go back. I’ve put myself through too much; put others through too much; prayed too much to give it up now. It is disheartening to think that I won’t be able to finish in time. But it has been a great journey; a great experience in self-revelation.

No, I am not turning around. This time I am taking it in. This time, I will be at the swim start; this time, like the song says, “you can face the future even if you fail.” Like I have written before: if I just make the starting line, it will be a victory. The bike cut-off will be difficult but if I make that, wow! Another victory. And if, just if, on an outside chance I make the midnight cut-off for the event, there will be no containing my joy. Tie a rope to my ankle that I don't fly away. (thank you Elizabeth Thompson for that concept)

I will do my best and, who knows. The ability doesn’t seem to be there, and I am fully cognizant that only God can push me through to the finish line within the cut off time. I am in over my own head. So, I will do my best and the rest is just up to Him. And there is a degree of peace in that. Perhaps that is the purpose of this marvelous journey to begin with: to get me to point where I could faithfully just do my best and leave the rest to Him. That can’t be all bad; win or lose.

"-for I have learned in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content.-----------------I can do all things through Christ who Strengthens me." Perhaps it doesn’t look that bad for the home team after all.

Training Week: Trying to Feed the Good Wolf

What a week this has been? Rain, bike problems, other logistical problems with getting my training in....it all has come against me and I must confess I have lost a few rounds, but I have punched my way out of the corner a time or two. It was not a great week, but if overcoming is part of the training, it should be considered quite educational.

And, the race draws near: fear and hope battle in my heart for supremacy and right now it is touch and go as to who will win. It is like the tale of the two wolves fighting inside us; the bad wolf and the good wolf. Which one will win? The one you feed. I like the saying that is something to the effect of "feed your faith and your fears will starve to death." In my greater moments, I choose to feed my faith. God will get me through this; succeed or fail, "I can do all things through Christ Who strengthens me." And so I go on trying to feed the good wolf.

The Week That Was- I Give Thanks

This is the week the last two years where I dropped out of Ironman Texas. This year: no substantial injury...I ran 14 miles today - longest run in two years. Could it be I might make the training? Could it be that I might be getting into the water May 16th to begin my attempt to finish an ironman? Can it be? Holding my breath; trying to be so careful about everything. And, I must be careful to give thanks. Truly, I am a non-talent person, way past the prime I never knew I had. So today, now, I give thanks to God. If I don't make it any farther than tomorrow: I give thanks. If I don't make it on the swim cut-off time; I give thanks. If I don't make the bike cut off...thanks--not finishing before midnight--thanks. At this point I am thankful for the chance to try, the chance to fail, and the opportunity to succeed - Thanks God!

Remaining a "Restless Warrior"

Below is a repost of a blog entry of mine from over 5 years ago. Much has changed but much has remained the same. I am still "restless" for life. Over those 5 years I have been knocked down several times, yet somehow got up again. Through it all I would like to think I have grown from all this: that I am more accepting of myself and others; more trusting in God, and happy with my place with Him. But, one thing hasn't changed and I wouldn't want it to: the call of adventure to come to the edge of myself still flickers a flame in these aged eyes. I am still a restless warrior.
The surgeon told me those years ago that my shoulder was so badly damaged that repairing the tear may not hold more than 5 years. It has held past that time, and I have held too; relying on a Strength far above my own to remain a "Restless Warrior."


Yesterday the MRI report came in describing that I have tendon ruptures in a couple places in the shoulder. It looks like surgery and rehab are under my Christmas tree this year.
This is not the vision I had for the new year but it is the vision I am dealt.

The challenge will be not to give in to the ease, comfort, and passive lifestyle of a health care recipient but to remain a "restless warrior," seeing this setback as an opportunity to heal and regroup rather than a place to just lay it down; to become a fat old man.

So today I am fasting, more or less to implant a discipline against the seductive lifestyle of which I will be forced to partake. And I will be praying for a Strength that is far above my own.

http://milesofthejourney.blogspot.com/2011/03/thankful-for-chance-to-fail.html

Fighting the Good Fight on the Journey

It is piling up on me; the miles and hours on the indoor bike, the abysmal weather limited outdoor training, a hundred year old mother who has needed attention and pervaded my thoughts, the grandchildren and the constant temptation of candy and chips laid temptingly everywhere. On top of that - if I can admit it - I think I am afraid. Motivation to do this thing at all has ebbed and flowed. What can I say but the journey just got real; the course got rocky, and I got beaten down to an extent. Looking at all this through a vision and will that was clouded with fatigue and concern, I just wanted to go out the back door of this whole journey, slip off the course to a rest station and stay there for a long time.

Monday morning the sun is out. Sleep was good. And in the arm wrestling match with all that would weaken my resolve and end my journey, I can feel my strength pushing my hand and arm up again, in spite of the strong resistance. Yeah, I think I am back to even again; ready to put in another hard week on the journey. Through the smoke and haze of what I have been through I find that, indeed, I want to finish this journey. I want to "fight the good fight," even if I can't finish the race in time.....I promised God I would try.

I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. II Tim 4:7

A Good Week: Taking the Next Step

What made this past week so successful? Good weather? No, most of the training was indoors. Just felt great all the time? No, I had some really worn-out moments. Lots of people urging me on? No, not the case.

I really don't know what it was, but I would guess I turned a corner on this mile of the journey in my thinking. Boundaries were transgressed in spite of fatigue, repetition, soreness, and lack of motivation. It was done by just doing it: taking the next step out the door, or on that indoor bike, getting into the vehicle to drive for the swim. Just doing it. And the fact is, that is what I have faced on my other long endurance sports events. It gets down to overcoming by just moving forward. All the rah-rah, all the frills and such part away like the Red Sea did for Moses And there is only one way across: try not to look to the right or the left and keep moving forward until you reach the other side.

As a result of this week, I have more hope and confidence than ever for my ironman effort. And, if I get injured before the event; get sick, or whatever, and just can't get to the starting line, I will have had these moments, these weeks of the journey to draw from in my life and for my next journey. Thank you God for the great week of training that I experienced. May I have another?

More Miles of the Journey - Giving Life to Life

Great block of training. Over three hours of running today, several miles of the journey done: my best week so far. So what does it mean? Not much, I am afraid; not in the long run that is. Years will pass over me, the miles, and the journey will disappear from all memory. Nothing will remain. So why? Because this life, this quest, is a journey. It doesn't exist to become the inscription on my headstone, but the journey for the moment is the destination, serving the purpose of being a worthy purpose. To me, a purposeless, passionless life is not life at all.

The miles of the journey, whatever that journey might be, gives life to life. And when that life is as dead and obscure as last years campfire, only God will remain. All that will matter will be purposes served for Him, through Him on this life on His journey.

More Miles on the Journey on the Bike

Today, I did another 30 miles on the bike trainer. Fatigue, but it has a good feeling to it. That probably doesn't make a lot of sense. However, this is getting serious. I am starting to believe or is it that I getting where I am choosing courage as my emotional option. But, training is going scarily well. Of course, there are no illusions. I will get hurt. If I get to the starting line, it will be a painful day. But, God is with me on this. I feel the purpose and am executing the plan. God bless me and keep me.

90 Miles of the Journey

Just got off the bike trainer after almost 6 hours. Am I sure I want to do this ironman thing, anyway? Makes me wonder, spending so much time in one room, in one place, doing the same thing for almost 6 hours. One could say that is crazy. However, working an eight hour day at a tedious job is the same thing, isn't it. And, one does that at least 5 days each week.

And I have had some jobs I counted hours until the end of day. Isn't this so much better pedaling a bike, watching bike races, getting pumped up at the finishes, thinking about the ironman bike, monitoring speed and cadence. It's a good day and for the ability and time and opportunity, I thank you God.

Two Miles of the Journey - Swimming

Years ago it was colossal that I could swim a mile. And, sure, back then I stopped, got my breath, adjusted my goggles, took little breaks until I finally finished enough laps to have swum a whole mile. Amazing !

Today I only swam 2 miles: a regular recovery day. There was no stopping. I mostly had the pool to myself and swam strong, without stopping. Not bragging here but mightily thankful, that it wasn't that hard. If I had had more time, I would have done much more. But my goal is just to get out of the water feeling good at Ironman Texas. I did that for two miles of the journey today. After my good bike/run yesterday, I feel like a kid on Christmas morning. Thank you God...I appreciate this so much.

"Strength doesn't come from what you can do, it comes from overcoming things you thought you couldn't."

Another Mile of the Journey

Great workout. Did 50 miles on my indoor bike trainer and ran a two mile brick run today. Tomorrow I have a 2 mile swim to do. Now, my fatigue level has me almost asleep as I type this. The ironman journey can often be fairly mundane and tiring. There is no fanfare, no applause, just get out of bed and train. The mud slushed under my feet today and no one even knew I was out there on the trails. But, I can't help but believe that in these moments we can grow our strongest. Out on the course, no amount of rah-rah is going to push me past where my body is screaming for me not to go. Lord continue to give me strength.

Training Continues

Monday January 11th...training for IM TX resumes. The training has been consistent but not great. My long rides and long runs have not come off like I had hoped. The weather has been cold, wet, and dreary and where I live, running on trails gets very slippery; the feet get very wet and cold; not something I look forward to. The bike has been indoors and doing OK. Last week I had 166 total miles with a 50 miler for the longest.

Support, motivation: I watch IM DVDS and bike race DVDS. Sometimes this isn't easy to pull oneself up and out, but its the journey and I can say that almost without realizing it, this journey is changing me. Looking back at my records I can see I have done a lot of overcoming putting in the miles training swim-bike-run. And just about the time I think no one notices, my granddaughter reminds me of a workout on my training schedule which is on the refrigerator. I am so blessed to have the burden to carry, this mission to fulfill.