One of My Early Triathlons Along the Miles of the Journey 2003

 

(Twenty three years ago, I did this event.  With all it’s flaws, I’d do it again.)

½ Mile Swim-15.52 Bike-5k Run

 

Lake O Pines - a lake I had fished twice in my former life.  Now, a different me was revisiting the lake to see and do things differently, and to do different things.  After a day of visiting relatives and hearing how hard and scary this triathlon business seemed to them,  I almost started wondering if I could even complete this event.  It is strange how who you are around can raise or lower your expectations for yourself.

 The sight of the swim buoys leading out into the open had me a little bit wary.  But once in the water, the fears and possible scary outcomes gave way to pulling water and passing whoever was in front of me if I could.  Yeah, the swim went really well, and toward the end of the swim, I was passing people on the wave that went before me.  That felt really good.

 The bike course came out of the park, then up over the wing of the dam onto the highway, making for a short but very steep incline right.  The rider in front of me was either in the wrong gear or did not have the power in his legs for that steep incline. He and his bike started wobbling as he was barely moving up the grade.  In addition, he had trouble getting unclipped, and he went down right in front of me.  Somehow, I avoided the wreck and negotiated the incline myself.  Several others were walking bikes up the grade.  So, it was good to get away from the congestion on that incline. 

Out on the rolling course, it was rule-breaker heaven.  People were drafting off each other.  People were riding two or three abreast, talking about their jobs; Automobiles were all over the course. If someone wanted to draft off a vehicle, not a problem.  The last couple of miles took us across the dam and back for a fast, exhilarating ride to transition. 

 The run from the transition was uphill at first.  Then it went along the edge of the lake and back.  It was one of the prettiest run courses I have been on.   But it was miserably hot, and I just did not enjoy the great course as much as I could have on cooler days.  I was just trying to survive there.  One of the drawbacks to the run course was the local red volunteer fire truck.  That blubbering diesel must have been added to provide some course obstacles.   Seemed that way.  His truck belched black, smelly fumes all over the run course, especially when he stopped here and there to talk to good old boy so and so. It was  Texas hot in July, and we were having to run through diesel fumes:  Yeah, tough day!  By the time I got to the finish, I was pretty well cooked. 

 One of the last runners was an eighty-year-old man struggling to finish.  In the last quarter mile of this man’s run,  he pushed on through blubbering black smoke all from the fire truck and some other diesels running near the finish.  The older finisher just sort of blinked his eyes and somewhat staggered through the diesel fog to finish. The crowd gave him a huge round of applause, and he certainly deserved it.

 

 

 

Giving the "Bad Hill" to God

 For a cancer patient, I guess I had a good training week last week.  This week, not so much.  The ups and downs seem difficult to deal with.  The lack of certainty and stability of issues with the treatment and the side effects often leave me in a state of "what's next?"

Blood thinners make every scrape or bump an issue.  Other drugs cause other issues that must be dealt with and lived through.  It's all much like running a marathon, of which you don't know much about the course.   I remember the Seattle marathon - 36 degrees and pouring down rain- and just about the time when I thought I had faced and overcome all the hazards of the event, I was presented with a huge hill around mile 25.  I was spent already, and now I had to climb this bad hill that seemed to go on forever. 

So far, I haven't come across that "bad hill" on this course, but I am not sure it isn't out there just waiting for me to be overconfident and think I have weathered the worst of it.  So, again, I give this all to God.  This time, I  hope I have the good sense not to take any of it back from Him and just free-fall with God on this.  

To Be or Not to Be More Moderate

 Lately, I  have been thinking a lot about what life has left me with.  My fitness just seems to improve in fits and starts as I progress along my cancer journey.  The protocol is to take it easy and do moderate stuff until I die.  It seems I will have to adjust to a life of moderation as much as I have to adjust to other demands placed upon me going through cancer treatment.  

So, do I be good and follow the instructions of moderation and die properly at the proper time in life?  Is my goal in life now proper and moderate?  Or, do I throw some caution to the wind and "ride the horse wild," and perhaps die a little earlier or suffer a little more in my prescribed end days? 

But you know, I'm an old guy already.  Shouldn't I be slowing down anyway and being more moderate?  Shouldn't old age be reason enough for following the implied instructions to slow down until you stop at death?  Isn't old age enough of a reason by itself to become more moderate?  

It's so tempting to let life turn into a free fall to the grave.  All I would have to do is be still and wait for it. First, the joints and mobility would go, then the heart, and then the choice I am considering now would no longer be available.  

The Bible says, "It is appointed a man once to die."  When that appointment is, I don't know. God does, but  I haven't been notified.  So the choice is still mine:  Live or begin dying.   I feel too good and too blessed to choose anything but life right now, that is, until God calls me home.  Praise God.

#40 Miles of the Journey Through the Rapids of Cancer- The End of the Cancer Reports- Learning to Live with Uncertainty, With Certainty

 And the treatment today went well.  I have been so blessed to have the oncology team that I have.  We  have all marched on into this cancer journey, the team, the family, those who care.  We are all doing our best to cope and to learn to live with the fear and uncertainty that the word "cancer" provides. 

Living with this uncertainty has certainly tuned in the vivid button in life.   Things, events, and people are viewed in a more real perspective, which only uncertainty can provide.  Life gets real when they tell you that you have cancer. 

But I think cancer doesn't create the uncertainty; it only exposes the uncertainty that has always been there.  The most fatal and widespread cause of death is life itself.   When it will happen is uncertain, but the event itself is quite certain.  And the question becomes:  how long do I have to live, and what will be my quality of life?" 

Yet,  uncertainty sometimes seems to put life on steroids.  When I write my books and my stories, I don't write about times in the recliner watching movies.  No, my books, stories, and blogs are most often about periods of risk and uncertainty.    

Looking back, I realize that many times I have narrowly missed death or death has narrowly missed me, that is.    I have honestly thought I was going to die on three different occasions.   But for some reason known only to God, I was miraculously rescued.   Life took on new shades of meaning, and I came to more fully realize that the uncertainty I faced was only uncertain to me.   It wasn't uncertain to God. God had always had me in His care,  within the certainty of God,   

We all face uncertainty daily, whether we have cancer or not. But we don't have to face uncertainty alone.  We have a certain  God who has us in the palm of  His hand, leading us through the perceived darkness of uncertainty, certainly. God tells me fear not, and don't let the clouds of today obscure the sunshine of tomorrow.

#39 Miles of the Journey Through the Rapids of Cancer- It Just Feels Like Time

 

The cancer journey will be indeterminable.   The same things, the same setbacks, the same good days.  I want to move on, but of course, I have cancer, and it will be with me as long as I have this life.  However, I don't have to dwell on it.  

It is essentially a chronic disease to be dealt with daily.  But it is essentially like my having to deal with asthma all my life.  It is to be dealt with daily, but it didn't have to be the controller of my life.  

I am doing as well as could be expected with the treatments and the outcomes.  That is about all I can say.  I am sure people don't know what to ask me about this, except to say "how are you doing"?  

And so, one more "rapids of cancer post" and I am moving on from that in this blog. If a major life changer comes up, yeah, it will go here, but regular "how I am doing" posts, no.   It just feels like time.

#38 Miles of the Journey Through the Rapids of Cancer- Wishing for a Stronger Faith

 The Sunday before my biggest treatment.  Altogether, I get all four cancer drugs plus blood thinners, a viral preventer, and an asthma medication.   Who could have guessed I could have gone from no meds at all for a few years to this fruit salad of medications?  So far, I am bearing up well under all this.  In fact, I feel really good.  My physical capabilities keep expanding, and mentally, I am in a good place.  There are some down times, but the more I am into this lifestyle, the easier it is to navigate these straits.

There is a flu epidemic in our area, and I have avoided crowds and close places with people.  I am doing the hermit routine.  It isnt't my first choice, but I am adaptable.  This too shall pass. I wish things were different, but they are not.  I can't change that, but I can give it to God.  

The problem is that I give my issues to God and then in a weak moment, take them back. When it gets overwhelming, I give it back to God, and so this goes.  If my faith were stronger, I would imagine I wouldn't be taking back so much that I gave to God.  Holy Spirit, infuse me with a greater faith that I may release my fears and place all my hopes in God. 

#37 Miles of the Journey Through the Rapids of Cancer- Coming Up For Air

 Things are going well as far as my treatments.  A new medication was added for my asthma, and it was a game-changer. The capacity for physical efforts has been greatly enhanced.  Some small side effects of the other drugs were practically eliminated. 

How long will this lasts? I am not sure.  I hope it lasts indefinitely, but I  have learned from this medical journey I have been on that things can turn on a dime. So, like the bad stuff, I take the good stuff one day at a time.  But for the good stuff, I am grateful, for however long this lasts. I thank God for giving me this chance to come up for air in this journey.  

Monday, I resume treatments, and we'll see how the full load of all this impacts this fragile peace with asthma, cancer, and side effects. I "expect the best, but I am prepared for the worst."  I'll do my best but whatever hand God deals me, I'll play it and be grateful for these good times. 

And perhaps this is a truth I was to learn in all this, and perhaps there are more along the miles of this journey.