Trying to Prove Something

"Do you do this endurance sports stuff because you didn't play enough sports in childhood? Or, are you trying to show or prove something to yourself?" Clearly, I must have a problem here. Maybe I should seek psychiatric counseling for this endurance sports business. Maybe there is a name for my psychological malady like enduromanic or tricotic. Who knows? And this person wondering why I am trying to "find myself" in endurance sports, is 25 years younger than I, 40 lbs overweight, cannot run, takes blood pressure meds, and is a diabetic? Of course, I am crazy. I am spending my children's inheritance and my meager fixed income on stuff and events to ensure I can go out and hurt myself. Yeah, nuts. That's me. Must be trying to prove something. Could be I just want to be different. As the scripture says: "And be not conformed to this world but ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable, and acceptable will of God." Romans 12:2 I know of no better way to be renewed that to pour oneselve out in effort. Maybe that person was right. Yeah, I am trying to prove something.

Just Going a Little Deeper

It was the most contact during the swim that I have ever experienced in the forty triathlons I have done. Hope I didn't hurt anywone; certainly didn't mean to, but it was rough out there for a while. But, it was good too, and it fired me up for the rest of the swim and the rest of the race. About mid-point of the swim I found myself swimming alongside, and almost stroke for stroke with another swimmer. something made me think that this might be a good test for the effect of form on swimming pace. I did a quick inventory to find that I was pulling a little shallow. What would happen if went a little deeper with my pull. So, I did. My next breath and quick look showed me I had put about two feet on my tandem swimmer. And soon, he had dropped off and got in behind me for a draft. I wasn't turning over any faster; I was just going a little deeper. On the run-my worst event-I was getting passed frequently. And, I thought: I am going as hard as I can. I can't help it if I am getting passed. This is as fast as I can go. The swim lesson came to mind: go a little deeper, push yourself a little more, hurt a little more, you have more, go a little deeper. And, so I did. Before long I could hardly breathe but I held on; keep that cadence up; you are out there now, keep digging deeper. And I did. After the finish, I just walked off to the lakeside where I got my wind back and prayed a short prayer. I almost got up and walked off, but then I reached down and prayed longer and more thankfully; just going a little deeper.

Friendly is a Choice

Friendly is a choice. I made it. When I started using this bike route regularly, I noticed an occasional large tanker truck sharing the road with me. For some reason I decided that I was not going to get into the road rights thing here on this route with a large tanker truck. So I chose friendly. When the tanker truck came up behind me while I was climbing a hill, I didn’t make him risk a dangerous pass or chug, chug that big engine along behind my slow self. I got off the narrow road and let him go. He always honked thanks. Sometimes, I would come upon him pulling out onto the narrow road with all that truck and it was obvious he could not clear the road before I got there. Times like these, I slowed down or stopped to wait. He honked. Other times he just honked when we passed on the road.

A couple of days ago, I again let him get that big truck out on the road before I tried to get by. As we began to pass each going opposite directions, I waved. He creaked to a stop and I turned around to see what he wanted. He had an arm out the window. Surely, he is not giving me the bird? No, he had a bottle of water in his hand, holding it out to me. The afternoon was hot. I was very hot and the water in my bike bottles was more than lukewarm. This water he had was ice cold! Yes! I gushed my thanks to the driver, telling him I was going to put some this water on my head too. "If you are going to do that, do you want another one?" Seems like this driver had made the same choice that I had: biker and trucker, different goals, different purposes for being on the road, we had decided that as much as we are different, we are all the same. We are all just people trying to do what we do on the same roads. The roads are not mine; not his; they are ours. I told him thanks so much and left with an extra cold water, refreshed, and smiling. Friendly had made my bike ride that much better. I hoped I had made his day better too. Friendly had been a good choice.

The Best Is Now

My first quarter mile run just amazed me. Just couldn't believe I could do it. But, the more I believed the farther I went, and the the farther I went, the more I believed. Sometimes in present moments this gets forgotten. I smile at the doubts I had about my first 800 meter open water swim. But that day, I got all prayed up, believed, and swam farther than I had ever thought I could. My first 1500 meter open water swim was the same. Fear, doubt, prayer, believing, and going farther, praise God! Thank goodness God has not let me get too reasonable that I would fear to confront conventional wisdom. Sometimes when things get really rough in this sport, I get the impulse to do something absurd. Today, I did the absurd thing and just went out and swam 2 miles. This is farther than I have ever swam, done with recent back problems still reminding me of their visit. So, at a time I have wondered if it were time to quit, I am able to complete the best swim of my life. Is God saying go on? I think so. And who knows how much farther and better, I can swim-bike-run? No, it is not time to quit, but to indulge in the worldly absurdity of going from fear and doubt with prayer, faith, and believing; believing that the best is not behind, but the best is here; the best is now.

A No-Boast Post

It is easy to take myself too seriously along this journey. Boundaries are confronted and overcome, hardship and disappointment dealt with, and the gravity is to say look what I have overcome. Look what I have done. Over the years I have found that that attitude is essentially calling in fire on my own position. God is teaching me humility, and I guess I must really need it because I keep getting repeat lessions. So, today, after a good 51 mile bike ride, a lessening in back pain, an absence of urinary problems on the bike, I am not going to boast at all about what I have done. Thank you God, is about allI am going to say. I am a slow learner, I suppose, but maybe this time, I will get it.

Is It Time for the Plain Sock Life?

Life will keep you down, if you let it. For almost a week, we had no internet due to someone drilling a posthole and cutting the phone line - yes, we have dial-up, hence no blog posts. And for almost a week my back and hips have been giving me the blues causing serious pain and serious doubts as to whether I can continue this training. Maybe I am finished? When I look at the race results of triathlons, Ironman events, etc, I see that the number of participants and finishers really taper off. By the time my age group is reached there are seldom more than half a dozen; sometimes only one or two. What happened to the numbers in younger age groups I once raced against? Perhaps it could just be life, and the toll it takes on the human body and more importantly, the human will, that cuts the numbers of survivors. So, with the aching back that won't seem to go away, the question rears its ugly head: is this it? Am I finished? Is there going to be even one less in my age group results? I pray about this with no clear answer. This morning, I reached for some athletic socks to wear and walked in the other room with them. When I began to get dressed and to put on the socks, I saw they were not the plain socks I thought I had, but socks for biking that I got in the packet of the half-ironman distance event I did. Maybe I am reading more into this simple mistake, but I began to fill my water bottles, pump up the long deflated tires on my bike. Perhaps there is still enough "stuff in the basement" that I really don't want the "plain sock life" just yet. So today, my prayer is for my name to remain among the few on the older age group results. And, when my name is finally taken away, I will have the assurance that I have "not gone gently into the night."

Confronting the "Fervent Heat"

Just an observation: Everything moves slower in August. In Texas these are the “dog days.” Heat, humidity, and a searing sun saps the energy of the earth and its inhabitants like a giant parasite. The deer that once ran off upon my approach, now just sort of amble to get out the road. The dogs that once came out on the road and vigorously barked at me, now just stay under their respective vehicle homes as I go by and bark weakly, “whoof.” A herd of wild hogs usually runs away quickly at my approach. But now they just seem to grunt their complaints that had to move at all to get out of the road. The Bible says “the earth will melt with a fervent heat.” Yeah, it has to be talking about August. August in Texas challenges the strongest commitment, the most lofty aspirations, and confronts resolve with the questions: How bad do you want it? How much, how far, how deep, are you willing to go? Praise God that in the midst of the “fervent heat” my calling still stands. If I were doing this solely for myself, I would have broken and ran in July. But, this is for all those who have believed in me; who have been inspired, who have inspired, who have supported me; who have loved me even when I was broken and cast down at times in this “fervent heat.” But most of all, this is for the glory of God. No, August in Texas hasn’t beaten me just yet. Like the scripture says: Rejoice not against me, oh mine enemy: when I fall, I shall arise; when I sit in darkness, the Lord will be a light unto me. Micah 7: 8