Haunted By A Ghost- Ironman Texas

 Yesterday and last night was Ironman Texas and I wasn't there.  I spent the day doing yard stuff and building fences., thinking about the event.   There is nothing wrong with yardwork or fence building.  I love yardwork and fencing but I say that only to provide contrast; a before and after view, so to speak.  

For some reason this year, Ironman Texas has haunted me like a ghost, before, after, and during.  Why?  Is God trying to tell me something?  Nothing has changed in life to provoke this almost unnatural chain of thought.  Perhaps it is because doing an ironman is so impossible for me now. May be this is the last holdout attempt to fight the realization that I am over the hill. 

But keeping an ear to the ground about ironman and the people doing it has enlivened my spirit in the process.  This enlivened spirit has added so much to the day.  The bad thing is that the word "maybe" crept into my thinking process.  The internal conflict goes something like this:

"No, it's over."  

 "But maybe."  

"No more maybes We have been here lots of times. It's over." 

"Yeah, that's probably true. I need to move on."

But I can't help it.  My version of "moving on"  is trending toward finding some impossible way to do this ironman.  Wrong thinking I know but I keep being haunted by  quotes like."

"The only impossible journey is the one you didn't begin." 

Or, " Live for the moments you can't put into words."

If this "impossible journey" is to "live for those moments I can't put into words. " If I keep being haunted by the "what if" and I can't resist the urge to "find the climb" then God help me before I hurt myself.

Ironman Texas 2024 - Becoming Their Own Heroes

   Ironman Texas will happen in the morning.  All these brave souls will face into the sunrise, look off into the water, take a deep breath, and begin a long hard day.  Just to get to one of these starting lines is no Sunday stroll. Most are motivated people with lots going on in their lives.  They had sacrificed things, tried to balance the roles, and still get in the training.  Many will wonder if they did enough to get through what they are about to enter into.  They are facing their fears to live their dreams. 

No doubt, this is going to be a collection of some of the best people our species can assemble in one place.  They have got up and raised their expectations for themselves above what most expect of themselves.  They are becoming their own heroes and with good reason. Who wouldn't want to be counted as among these brave souls? I know I do.  God bless them all tomorrow.

Sustainable Joy

 There is no sense pretending.  Trying to run or ride from being yourself is not sustainable for long without negatively impacting the quality of life.  

 I believe that about sustainable joy:  "Be the same person all the time."  Sounds simplistic.   And I guess it is, but, to me, it defines a form of self-respect that encourages you to be who you are, not an actor to please the relational environment.   Being an actor is stressful.  A term once used for actors was "hypocrite."  Not being a hypocrite, not playing a role to please others, but being yourself, fosters an authenticity and integrity which is bedrock for any chance of sustainable joy.  

"Ah, there's the rub."  This requires real courage.  It can be so easy to fall into a camouflaged lifestyle.  It can be so easy to follow the herd.  And, it can be so hard to remain true to ourselves, when all around you say, "Change, fit in, don't make waves.".  To fit into this waveless world  we let the slow steady hum of normalism define  who you should be and what you should be doing.  Fighting the gravity of the deep rut requires courage.  

It is a great temptation to take the safe, easy, and comfortable path rather than trod the hard path to stand against the storm of convention.  But, you can't make memories to smile about later from the things you didn't do because you subscribed  and consented to playing a role to fit in.  For me at least, good memories and impossible dreams are the wheels that drive to achieving sustainable joy.  

There is a quote from "Self -Reliance by Ralph Waldo Emerson,   "To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment."   

And that "great accomplishment" can bring  sustainable joy. 

Thanks God.

Training in the Dark

 

By now I see that I won't ever stop training.  Life events have taken most of the opportunities to compete but I seem to get up and go after training each day like there was a good reason for it.  I am training almost with the same purpose and intent as when I trained for events.  And I wonder: what is wrong with me?  

Perhaps there is a part of me that won't give up completely.  Maybe the training is the holdout in the process of complete surrender, and I just don't want to go there.  

And perhaps training has become so much of who I am that I can't give it up if I want to.  Perhaps it is my tattoo that I won't have removed no matter what.  Maybe age and circumstance have taken all except this, but I think I have drawn my line in the sand on training  Till death do us part, so to speak.  

At the same time, when I finish my workouts and feel proud and grateful to God for this ability, I am still saddened somewhat that I can't take the results of my training anywhere anymore.  Its strange but training makes me glad and it makes me sad, at the same time. No matter.  My gratitude outweighs my sadness.  And, I thank God for all the events and training I have done in the past and ask Him for more health and opportunity to train in the dark. 

Light My Fire

 One match, lit and placed on a piece of tissue paper - small flame, almost flickered out, caught on a little, flickered in doubt a moment, and grew.  And I thought how small a start and this little flame will build upon itself, and eventually ignite this huge pile of brush I want to burn down. And it did.  

We are no different.  Sometimes we find ourselves little more than soft, fluffy tissue paper. What we need is one small, simple, flame to ignite the fire within us into a roaring fire.   This is the benefit of community within a passion.  We all have our soft, fluffy moments when passion and commitment are at low ebb. We all need someone to strike a match for us to ignite the fires in our lives, to become more of what we are capable of, rather than what we have degraded to. 

So, shouldn't I be inclined to give what I want to receive from another member of this endurance sports community?  We can do this. Light my fire.  I'll light yours. Let's "run the race that is set before us."