Thursday, August 29, 2013

Brutal Brick

Tuesday got out the door hoping that perhaps the assertion to continue on would somehow prevail over the hurting leg. Perhaps, something special would happen because I just went on with it. It has happened many times before when I was beaten down, injured or discouraged: just move; get out there; things get better on the road.

The bike ride went well. The legs felt strong. Hope opened a blossom. The run was a nightmare. Each foot strike was a smashing pain. I changed the stride. I quickened the gait. Slowed the gate. Landed midfoot, forefoot, heel: pain. I was sweating profusely, not sure if it was because of the activity, the heat, or the pain. And, I had only gone about a quarter mile. Why I am torturing myself?

Oh, it felt so good to stop and just be still a few minutes. I was done. It will be a while before I have the guts to try to run again. I have no idea what the future holds but I know Who holds the future. Now I look at pictures of people running smoothly and I so wish I could. I see pictures of myself running and so wish I could do that again. Perhaps never again; perhaps I will somehow recover. Whatever -- I will be found trusting still.

Monday, August 26, 2013

Staying Loyal - Getting Out the Door

"I Can't Get Started" is the name of an old song. And, the title and the tune pretty much embody how I feel starting this week of training. Where did the "want to" go? My knee is much better, thank God, but I seem lethargic in using and enjoying this gift. Perhaps the new car smell has left the ironman effort and now it is down to the day-to-day, grind it out, ironman training: accolades, no cheering section, no high-fives, just me and the struggle. There is no where to go to blame this on or hide behind. I "have met the enemy and he is me." After all the down time with the injury, I think I have an inertia problem.

"A body at rest tends to stay at rest and a body in motion tends to stay in motion with the same speed and in the same direction unless acted upon by an unbalanced force." ~Newton's First Law of Motion

Write these last lines. Hit "Publish." Get out the door. Just begin because: “It’s difficult to follow your dream. It’s a tragedy not to.”

Commitment means staying loyal to the what you said you were going to do long after the mood you said it in has left you.

Sunday, August 18, 2013

The Journey Continues - Trusting More

Trusting doesn’t come easy. When I began this I said I would trust and thus far I have: hanging in; hanging on. It seems I have been injured all year. For a couple months now I have been dealing with knee pain when running, and to a lesser degree, when biking. Afterwards, the knee becomes swollen back and front. It gets better; it gets worse. But it doesn’t go away. The question I never like to seriously ask: is this the end? Is it time to sell my bikes, trash my running shoes and become seriously sedentary until safety, comfort, indulgence and ease kills me? Sounds pretty much like a cure the appetite for life than for a sore knee. The shallow side of me says, lay it down; take it easy. You have done enough. My goodness, Marv. You will soon be 70. You have ran the equivalent of three times around the world . You have biked thousands of miles each year. Look at all the events you have done: all the hard gut checks you had. You deserve it. Eat, drink, and be merry, and when you gain weight, just buy bigger clothes; no problem. All this sounds good sometimes, especially when I am very, very tired or when injuries just come and move in with me or when I just can’t find the right reason right away to pick myself up off the canvas yet one more time. At times like these the easy, good life sounds appealing.

But I wasn’t called to the good life. I have been called to the best life; the best life, to be the best meto be all I can be to utilize the abilities and opportunities God has placed before me, to be all He has called me out to be. And besides all this He said, “trust me” and I said I would.

Did I think this was going to be easy? The orthopedic surgeon said I have some wear on one side of my left knee which could be creating some of the pain and swelling, but I think there is more to it than that. The first run in his brace was a torture tour.
This morning I got up in the dark to prepare for my run. I dreaded what I knew would be a pain fest. And I want to do this? It doesn’t make sense. Trust me. OK, got it. I strapped on my brace on the knee and this time put on a compression brace on the lower leg as well. Very little pain. What? This feels good . I can stride a little bit. I am losing my fear of the next step. I am wearing my wife’s brace. What? Yes, somehow in the dark I had put on the wrong brace and it all “worked together for good.”

Tomorrow, I will still be moving forward and God help me, I will continue to do so until He breaks my legs or brings me through. Whatever – “I know how to be abased, and I know how to abound: everywhere and in all things I am instructed both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need. I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.” (Phil 4:12-1)

Though he slay me - I have no dependence but God; I trust in him alone. Should he even destroy my life by this affliction, yet will I hope that when he has tried me, I shall come forth as gold.
Job 13:15