Thursday, December 20, 2012
Just an animal, I suppose. When I get hurt, injured, I just want to be left alone; to just go off and die a little bit, like some animals do. No idea why. Perhaps it is a defensive posturing or something? For some reason my back and hips are killing me, and there seems no relief. And, I wonder: is this the way it will end. Scary too, I know I won't go peacefully. My M O is to mope around a while, then do something outlandish with myself; like going out for a 100 mile bike ride just to spite my bad back. Beyond all that nonsense though, lies an underlying, foundational peace and acceptance. And my next question is what I am called to learn through this? Advanced degrees in living for me have always been procured by facing down the hard times. The ironman is my dream, and I still believe; my calling. Failure will be fought with my last drop of resolve. But, if failure comes, I will know that I have earned yet another advanced degree in patience, endurance, and acceptance of the will of God upon my life. Failure isn't final.
Sunday, December 16, 2012
I'm still standing and about to enter week 6 of this Ironman training. Still standing, I keep pinching myself to see if I really have made it this far. Oh my, but the obstacles came out of the woodwork when I made this plan. And, the plan is sort of like the event itself. I don't have to be real fast. I just have to stay standing and keep moving forward. And there have been many failing but another skill I am learning is how to forgive myself for not living up to my expectations and, again, keep moving forward. Take another step, train another day, and another. And another week is put to bed and I am closer and the journey keeps getting sweeter the more vested I become in it. Next week will be are all sorts of obligations with the Christmas season upon. The challenges in time and energy management will be great; just like the event might be. With all that has been thrown at me, I am a little surprised that I am still in the game..moving forward: still standing. "Nobody hits harder than life.....And it's not about how hard you can hit, but how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward." Rocky Balboa
Tuesday, December 11, 2012
Into the fray once more. Week # 5. It was was stupid to do heavy work here on the place right before a 60 mile bike ride. It was stupid to go on with the bike ride after I had hurt my back and hip here. It was stupid to ramp up my pace to a race at mile 50 when a friend joined me on my ride. Of course, he was fresh and uninjured, but my pride just wouldn't let him go. It was stupid. Now after four days of very light efforts, I am almost healed enough to resume training. It was a lesson learned. But my hope is that it will be not just be learned but acted upon in the future. I have be blessed with too much to squander this just because I was stupid.
Tuesday, December 4, 2012
Not perfect, but who is. Week three was tough. Fatigue: I have it. Ironman training, you hurt. The sifting process goes on. The greatest change is not just the increased training but the number of other life obstacles that want my time. And, lots of time, I just want to rest or sleep like death. This week - the fourth - is supposed to be a little lighter -transition - training week. Today, I went out for a 50 mile bike. Felt pretty good in spite, and was about 15 miles in when I heard the beep on my cell phone. I usually don't answer my phone but call back when I stop at the end of my 20 mile loop. Today, for some reason, I stopped and answered the phone. My wife - a storm - really bad storm - coming my way. Thank God I answered that phone. Thank God for the support of my wife. She said there was lots of lightening with the storm which gave me incentive to get back to the truck quickly. Away I went, thankful for the roads still being dry, the winds not fierce, and no lightening in sight.....yet. I put the hammer down, breathing in gasps, redlining going up the hills; screaming down the downhills, hammering on flats. With only a couple more miles to go I still had dry roads. But, the winds were in my face and I could see many flashes of lightening up ahead. Hammer time. I turned into the driveway to the parking lot where my truck was parked. Off the bike, gasping for air, running with the bike, large drops starting to fall hard on me. Wide, white, crackling, zig-zags of light, were followed quickly by bomb-like booms and rumbling. I didn't stop to load the bike but quickly, and almost on the run, laid the bike in the back of the truck, then immediately got in cab. Thank you God ! I had made it. In a few moments, the rain was a downpour. The storm was on. My bike ride had been cut short, but I did have one solid time-trial today. I really don't think I have ever done any better. And the journey goes on. Like in the story of the Alamo, my flag still proudly waves from the walls of my life. Thank you God this isn't boring and lacking adventure. I am loving this journey. Even if it ends tomorrow. I am blessed.