Friday, June 28, 2019
Back pain, sometimes spasms seeming coming from out of nowhere, Now with 5 days of this under my belt, I am sick of it. But there is a lesson here even in bothersome back pains if one pays attention. When I got through feeling sorry for myself because I just didn't feel perfect, I got to realize how many people must live in pain like this and much worse daily; moment to moment with not much hope of relief. And in this realization, I got to feeling a bit ashamed. I still have health and strength enough to be training, riding, running. Yesterday, I did a good swim in open water. Sometimes in our self-absorption, we seem to see life through a keyhole. When we stop lowering ourselves to look through our keyhole at life, we can stand firmly and open the door. We can see life in its totality and our place in it through the open door.
Saturday, June 8, 2019
My ribs still hurt from that turnaround bike crash and I was on that same course yesterday. It wasn't the same turnaround but it was a turnaround that brought fear. Memories and present pain, warned me of what could happen and as I approached the turnaround. I could feel the shakiness and insecurity making it more likely I would fall in my fears.
"Help me here Lord." "Help me here Jesus"
I keep repeating that in my mind and my prayer became reality. The turnaround went safely; no problem.
This morning the ribs seem to hurt worse and in the long term, I wonder; I feel insecure in that here I am again, a confirmed Ironman failure trying this again. And my ribs hurt. The moment has obscured my future and at present I believe the pain and lack of ability. I feel inadequate for this task God has called me out to do.
Then I read a devotional this morning by Charles Stanley which spoke right at me.
Feeling inadequate is not a sin, but using it as an excuse is. When the Lord challenges you to do something that you feel is beyond your abilities, you have two options. You can focus on Christ and proceed in triumph or focus on yourself and withdraw in defeat.
It's really a matter of faith. God would never ask you to do something without empowering you to accomplish it. This doesn't necessarily mean you will do it perfectly, but each step of obedience is a victory. The alternative is to play it safe, but then you'll miss out on God's best for your life.
It is again, really a matter of faith. The turnaround will work out OK.