An 80 Year Old's Journey Toward Ironman Waco 70.3 Oct 6th - Day 27-28

 Well, I am back in stagger mode, wanting to quit so bad but just can't seem to say, "enough." The long runs and the long outside bike rides seem so daunting to get in and the "want-to" isn't showing up to push me out of the house. 

Probably, there needs to be a date set with certain practices accomplished  for a "yes or no go on" decision.  I guess I am truly in over my head on a personal level in trying to do this.  Do  you suppose I have gotten soft and scared?  My knee always reminds me how fragile this all is. It could go south at any moment. Do you suppose I don't want to invest all this long and hot training for something that stands a better than even chance of blowing up in my face? Or, have I finally gotten old, and know it and feel it but won't admit it? 

Yesterday was more working outside plus an hour on my trainer bike plus a bad boy weight and flexibility session for about 45 minutes.  I  haven't stopped by any stretch but I am staggering and would love to hear from God on this one way or the other.

An 80 Year Old's Journey Toward Ironman Waco 70.3 Oct 6th - Day 26 - What's Up?

 Yesterday I did a 3 hour plus bike trainer ride on Zwift.  That was good for me.  I got faster and stronger as it progressed.  So what's up?  Am I farther along than I give myself credit for?  Plus right before the 3 hour ride, I did the Bad Boy strength and weight session.  That took about an hour.  Not a bad day for an older guy or a younger guy either for that matter.  

It makes me wonder maybe I am running out of excuses to fail.  Today I don't feel too bad and that is surprising too. So what's up?  My nutrition has been pretty good and maybe that adds to the positive mix.    I don't mean to draw a lot of abuse here, but I do eat a plant based diet.    For me that is no meat, dairy, eggs, fish and minimal processed foods and watch the sugar.  I know there are all kinds of allegedly better meat-eating plans out there, but this works beautifully for me.  I don't take medicine of any sort on any regular basis.  I can do most of what I could do at 20.  My thinking seems Ok...but that can be suspect since I don't eat meat.  Got to be crazy, right?  

Mentally, little by little I am coming around to being able to more often let things go and train first.  That's a tough corner for me but I am making the turn, and I can feel that and it feels good. 

 So, this is a positive report for a change.  I still don't see how in the world I am going to make it but I will just have to be content knowing God knows the end of my story. I just have to  let that go and go train.

An 80 Year Old's Journey Toward Ironman Waco 70.3 Oct 6th - Days 24-25

 Got in a swim this afternoon.  1.2 miles  without stopping.  That's race distance.  However, it is a bit slower than times before my year of absence from swimming.  I feel good about it, but I still don't feel good about my chances to get this bike and run training in like I should.  Prayers have been said about this and all that has come out it is that somehow I just can't quit just yet.  

There have been no days off in almost 40 days and that probably why I feel so tapped out all the time.  However, I am not sure I can get  started again if I stop.  That is how it was running marathons.  If I ever walked just once, it was mostly walking from then on. So, it seems that taking a day of has the same results as quitting altogether. So, I would just as soon quit as take a day off.  If I just quit I could go straight to downtime and not pass go, whereas taking a day off would take more time, pain, and effort before I just quit.  Why not take the easy way out if you want out? 

It has been raining all week and next week promises better weather.  The good weather week will tell the tale on my training.  Buti, I will continue to pray .

An 80 Year Old's Journey Toward Ironman Waco 70.3 Oct 6th - Days 23

 Waking up at night I just about decide that I am not going to try to do this half ironman.  In the darkness I can't see how I am going to get the right training done and I seriously question why I want to do this beast in the first place.  

I feel very old in the middle of the night; too old for all this.  Then I go over how to write that last blog on this venture.  It's a midnight dive into resignation and despair.  Mornings are not much better.  In fact, it is almost noon before I get my "maybe I can do this" revived at all.  

What can I say?  I am teeter tottering on the brink of adventure extinction.  But tonight, on my bike trainer I just killed it.  Great ride.  It was easy to say that my fitness has improved by all this.  That's good and bad because  more confusion and indecision are thrown in the mix.  "Maybe"  is still alive.  Why won't it go ahead and die?  I'm gonna pray about this. And let's see what happens at midnight tonight. 

An 80 Year Old's Journey Toward Ironman Waco 70.3 Oct 6th - Days 22

 My legs are sore from treadmill work. I feel like this is getting the best of me.  Running times for me is a little depressing.  The pace I want to hold is quite taxing.  OK, too old, washed up and done.  So back off and quit.  But I'm not thinking that.  In fact, I'm sort  of angry about it.  Right now, I don't want to quit.  I want to bury myself in workouts and drive the demons from my athletic life. 

I saw a man today that I have known a long time.  We are the same age.  He was so spindly and emaciated that I barely recognized him.  It made me want to try harder not to go there, to spend my last remaining days among the walking wounded.  I want to live until I die so I stay away from doctors and medications as much as I can. I eat a plant-based diet. I do some sort of exercise every day.  Plus, I try to focus on not going down that well-trod mental path for old guys, following the script written by others of what old men should be trying to do.  And I pray to God to give me strength.  I pray and looked toward His peace with it all. That said it's time to get busy and finish the rest of the day's training.  I must go on. Something may be gaining on me.

An 80 Year Old's Journey Toward Ironman Waco 70.3 Oct 6th - Days, 20, 21

 Three weeks and I haven't quit yet.  So much has come against me.  Most of it is other people and outside work responsibilities.  Plus, the heat and humidity melt what resolve I have.  I am tired.  That's it.  It's here.  

It's not like I shouldn't expect this.  Ironman training is not a day at the theme park.  Now I remember how brutal and debilitating this can be.   and I can look back and think "how did I get through all this before?  I am somewhat amazed at my former self. 

Maybe that's it? Maybe I want that picture back I had of myself before. Perhaps, I want amaze myself?  Perhaps I looking for a good reason to admire myself?  There is satisfaction in mowing the grass and getting things done outside but its not self-amazing.   I am old, they say.  Perhaps I am not satisfied with a life of passionless sameness, and low expectations that being this age is supposed to bring with it.  Maybe I am not really that old yet?  Perhaps I still need to make memories of   overcoming days that bring smiles of pleasant reflection, to know that who I was, I still am.  Thank you God

An 80 Year Old's Journey Toward Ironman Waco 70.3 Oct 6th - Day 19

 Still here,   Today we had rain andit was  partly cloudy so I took the chance to work on my septic system.  Lots of digging and pulling, involved, sort of a real-life CrossFit thing.  I did my flex workout before all the digging and when it was all over, a bath and a big meal were in order.   

This whole heat training thing must have me broken down some because I laid out on the floor after the bath and slept like death.   I woke up knowing that  I needed to get in some training for today but the body and mind and spirit joined in open revolt.  Take the day off they screamed.  I almost did.  But then I thought, this is  where endurance really is.   It is in the getting up and facing down the fatigue, and the don't want to that haunts us all at some point.  This is the defining practice of our sport. It is my only gift:  I can take a lot of abuse and usually get up and keep moving forward. That's it. Nothing fancy.   That's all I got.  So, I went about training my only gift.  

Got on my indoor bike and a few hundred pedal strokes sent the doldrums scurrying for cover and I had a great ride.  Thank you, God.

An 80 Year Old's Journey Toward Ironman Waco 70.3 Oct 6th - Day 18

 The heat index here seems to stay over a hundred.  Did I expect any different?  It seems to be taking its toll on my on my runs.  Afterward, I am  just done.  For instance,  after my hour run this morning, when I finally got cool, I was just done.   Maybe 80 is too old for this sport.?  Maybe God is just showing me so I won't question and won't whine about having to give this beast up?  I don't know.  Another day of full realization that I am truly in over my head.  

I got in a short indoor bike ride and did a full body weight, strength, and flexibility session.  So I guess it wasn't too bad.  Truth be said, I really want to quit about now.  I don't know, maybe age 80 makes me war weary and I am ready to settle in with no more wars.  I have been at this endurance sports thing for over 40 years.  

I try not to make any decisions when I am tired or discouraged or haven't prayed about it. There is a consideration to do another half ironman ( Oilman Triathlon  November 10th)  about a month later than Waco 70.3.  It would give me time in cooler weather to prepare and perhaps have a better chance.  It's a thought.  But I am very tired, somewhat discouraged, and haven't  prayed much about it.

An 80 Year Old's Journey Toward Ironman Waco 70.3 Oct 6th - Day 17

 I'm still here.  Believe it or not. Got in a run of a little over an hour and in this heat and humidity, that's a biggie.  I weighed before and after the run and afterward, I had lost 5 pounds.  I wouldn't recommend it for a weight-loss technique though. 

So no, this is not my resignation letter.  One more step, one more day.  Giving it to God because I can see quite vividly that I am in way over my head here.  

A scripture comes to mind:   Isaiah 46:4:

An even to your old age I am He: and even to the hoar (gray) hairs will I carry, and I will deliver you.

Carry me Lord.  It's hot out there and I want to go on.

An 80 Year Old's Journey Toward Ironman Waco 70.3 Oct 6th - Day 15-16

 Seems like all this is in stagger mode. It is getting hard to find the want to.  The heat and humidity are really bad and I get all tapped out and drained from it.  It is a rough year for this with all the previous rains we've had here.   The humidity is a monster. It is all beginning to seem like such a waste of effort.  There is such gravity to drop down and drop out.  Don't be surprised if the post from the next day is a resignation letter. 

I have done the race distance on the swim and that will be OK, I  think.  The run?  There have been no long runs and no long outdoor bike rides.  My rides have been indoors with the max at 2 hours.  How to get all    this done in this sweltering heat is a real problem.  Doubts and more doubts.  

Maybe I am too old for this game now?  Maybe this is all just a pie-in-the-sky wishful dreaming of an old guy who doesn't want to face his aging,  instead of a real plan ?  

Today, the only thing to do is to take the next step and let God tell me when to quit...........................or not.

An 80 Year Old's Journey Toward Ironman Waco 70.3 Oct 6th - Day 14

 I am really tired and "want to" has left the building.  Oh my, but these are the days that try me and can break me.  So, it is a huge temptation to resist;  today I want to quit.  Today, I could easily settle for a sedentary life of lethargy and think I would be happy doing it.  

This is where the benefit of experience shows up.   The moment says "forget all this." But the battered spirit says, "give yourself time.  You've been here before.  This will pass."  It is so easy to forget that I had a couple hard run and bike efforts yesterday plus worked digging on our septic system in the heat.  It is easy to forget what you did yesterday to bring you to this level of fatigue and easy to ignore the Hope for tomorrow that is offered.   

In the beginning I  asked for God to take this training over.  So if I am supposed to be tired and  have been set up to rest  today, OK.   Maybe I should do that?  Then I'll wait for plans for tomorrow.

An 80 Year Old's Journey Toward Ironman Waco 70.3 Oct 6th - Day 14-15

 Two weeks and I  haven't quit yet.  Lots of things have come against this effort but thing always do come  up we I want to commit to something full on and all out. Through it all I get the feeling I am building some slight momentum.  I have stumbled and doubted but not fallen yet. I have lit a match in the darkness, it seems.  

Yes, there is a change, ever so slight.  The ability to say "no" to some things as increased slightly.  Thats a plus in all of life.  Perhaps, this kind of growth is what this journey is in large part about.  

I did a good indoor bike the last two nights and a good run yesterday and good interval-type treadmill run today.  The times really stink but I trust God for growth there. I need to get out on the road and take the risk on my road bike. 

I have the support of my wife who tells me to "do it, try it, however it turns out. Its who you are and what you want to do." Yeah, how can I fail except by not trying.  Thank you Lord. 

An 80 Year Old's Journey Toward Ironman Waco 70.3 Oct 6th - Day 13

 The hurricane gets center stage. Lots of homes still have no power.  Lots of businesses are shut down due to no power.  The Internet has been off and on and I haven't posted as planned.

The  upside is that I did an almost hour and half run and boy that felt right. It was a little cooler with breeze post hurricane, and that was a blessing.  

Still, so much other stuff seems to keep me from pushing on and getting this done.  Truth is, I don't know if I can do the training necessary.  I am flying blind, depending on God, is about all I can say. 

It is getting on two weeks of this and I feel pretty good, but I  haven't taken myself very deep into training either.  So there is a suspense to this wondering when and if the axe will fall.  But, to say again, I am most grateful for this journey, this outer edge experience for one so long on this earth.  No matter what, Praise God.

An 80 Year Old's Journey Toward Ironman Waco 70.3 Oct 6th - (Running in a Hurricane) Day 12

 The eye of a hurricane was over us today.  Lots of wind and rain.  Nature doesn't care that I need to train.  But, nature didn't keep me from getting in a short run in the rain this morning before the rest of the bad stuff hit. That felt good to steal the show if only for a moment. 

This isn't new.  I have always loved running in the rain.   There is something liberating about it that I can't explain.  This is the second hurricane I have ran in.  You would think I would be all grown up by now.  But, I hope I don't ever.  Childishness in endurance sports really makes me feel alive.  Thank you God for storms, hard climbs, and rough courses.  

That said, I need to get busy with today's training.  There has been too much slack time and weak excuses.  

An 80 Year Old's Journey Toward Ironman Waco 70.3 Oct 6th - Day 11

 My biggest training day of the week which isn't saying much.  And, to celebrate my one good day, I torpedo my nutrition by eating a ton of jellybeans and then a quantity of ice cream.  I wonder about my sanity sometimes.  Do I need a shrink? 

Down to earth time.  I may be 80 years old and still doing a lot of things I did fifty years ago, but times like these take me down a peg and remind me that I am so terribly human.  It reminds me too thaty there are probably lots of people trying to improve their health, their weight, their performance and facing the same impulses to self-harm that are so human. It's a war out there and my biggest opponent looks back at me in the mirror every morning. "We have met the enemy and he is us."

The only thing I know to do with this is to get up and fight my way out of the corner. If I need a reason not to yield to future negative impulses, I could use the memory of the way I feel now to combat my cravings.

Sometimes I think God uses things like this to humble us and drive us to our knees in prayer then urge us  get up and "run the race He has set before us."

An 80 Year Old's Journey Toward Ironman Waco 70.3 Oct 6th - Day 10

 More bad news.  My new watch says my run time is so bad that it is not reasonable to think I can make the race cut-off.  It's the first time I have used my new watch and my only hope is that the watch was a terribly bad deal and it is horribly wrong.  I hoping I really got ripped off on this watch.  Otherwise, I need to stop this foolishness and take up  putt-putt golf or something else like that. I would have to be a pro cyclist to compensate for the pitiful run speed and make the course cut-off.  

Today the heat wasn't off the charts but humidity was.  The hour run was another sweatfest.  This stuff is  hard. About now I am flat on my back on this journey.  But now that I am flat on my back, I can only look up.  Up is where the Hope is. 

Perhaps, I should trust God more and worry less about not making the cut-off?   Perhaps, this effort is to be just that, an effort along a rewarding journey?  Making the cut-offs may not be the big reason for this effort because I am doing it with God, my mentor, the strength I lean upon and depend upon.  It's a journey with God.  Enjoy the trip. The cut-off will take care of itself. Smile through  the pain, sweat, and  discomfort.  You are with God.  God loves you.

An 80 Year Old's Journey Toward Ironman Waco 70.3 Oct 6th - Day 8 and Day 9

 Just didn't get the post out here and another day happened.  This is an "easy week" and it stinks. Taking  it easy has allowed all kinds of other duties to get in the mix.  End of story is that I still feel tired from all the work and the oppressive humidity and heat, leaving me sapped of strength.  No wonder I don't take many days off.  Seems I can't handIe days off.   It's pretty obvious  I  don't have the discipline for resting and recovering.  

I did get in a sweatfest run of an hour and ten minutes  a couple of days ago.  The heat drained me down and I could feel the residual effects a long time. 

Really, right now along this journey, it doesn't look good for the home team.  I will pray.  Maybe a few hands clapping would keep my sprits elevated sufficiently to get past these bad patches alone this journey.  

But, I am 80 years old and not many my age get to live like this.  Not many get the opportunity to have this journey, to succeed wonderfully or to fail miserably.  I praise God for this journey whatever the result.  I am so blessed.

An 80 Year Old's Journey Toward Ironman Waco 70.3 Oct 6th - Day 7

 Day 7.  This makes a week and I haven't bailed yet.  Maybe I do have a little courage left in this old psyche after all. Yeah, I've actually made a week without quitting.  I won't say it didn't cross my mind a couple times. 

I can remember in a marathon and thinking I'm done.  I can't take another step.  But something inside said, "Yes you can. Just take one more step."  I did, then fought myself to take another and managed to finish the marathon. It wasn't pretty but it was one of my "finest hours."  

I guess that's what I am looking for here among a lot of other things,  to have the courage to go on as far as courage can take me and have another "finest hour," and another "well-done" from God.  Maybe when this is over I will have a little different vision of myself.?

Today was another easy day on an easy week.  I did my weight/strength/flex exercises and did a hard bike ride.  I guess that knowing I wasn't going to ride that long brought out the beast in me and I hammered the course on my indoor trainer. Seems I have enthusiasm to go with more courage, and as long as that lasts, I am graterful.  A good day.  Thanks God.

below:  the link for the beginning of this journey.

https://draft.blogger.com/blog/post/edit/5768864484024943517/7734551309800761232

An 80 Year Old's Journey Toward Ironman Waco 70.3 Oct 6th - Day 6

 An easier day, I guess.  Since the last three weeks have been a lot heavier than most other times during this year, I thought it time to back off a bit.  

It's my usual way to go from can to can't when I decide to do something. That's works against me sometimes. I don't know how many times at  this time of the year, training for fall endurance sports, that I l lived in a state of exhaustion and brain-dead thinking.  The heat and the training pretty well tap me out most years There isn't a lot left for others or myself.  Then I am forced to take a day off or two.  But the training doesn't get going again because I have taken myself in way too deep and the fatigue doesn't just go away at the first invitation. 

Today, I did the "bad boy" weight, strength and flexibility exercise session.  In that are 60 push-ups.  It is amazing how much easier that gets as I continue this regimen.  Last year I did 81 push-ups on my 80th birthday  (the one extra push-up was for next year in case I am no longer living). 

I also went to the  health club to try out using a treadmill. It worked pretty good.  My knee started hurting midway through but gave up and settled in to doing its duty. I think this is going to work out to maintain a faster run.  

Came  home and did 30 minute plus bike ride with some hard intervals, then got on the tractor and started on some work I have been putting off.  

And that was my easy day.  This may not work out for Ironman Waco 70.3 but even if it doesn't I am enjoying the journey.  Praise God.