Finding Oneself in the Garden

 For years I had a garden.  Every year was a process of pulling up all the old plants, taking out the weeds, tearing up the soil, and row up to plant new seeds for the new crop.  I have found that life is a lot like that. Sometimes the old and bug-eaten variety of ourselves is not bearing fruit and the only rescue is to pull up the old and plow for change in the new.  

I tested positive for COVID-19 again today.  This is 10 days, now.  I feel good but it's not enough.     

What about my quest? What about the half-ironman?  What about serious training?  I don't like going through this, can you tell?  I haven't had a cold in 25 years and this hasn't even had the symptoms of a mediocre cold.  I am so blessed to have it this easy but I can still search diligently and find a reason to complain, I guess.  Yeah, I am so human.  

My self wants to complain. My faith says "All things work together for those that love the Lord and are called according to His purpose."  Romans 8:28.  God seems to intimate to me that like the torn-up old garden being replanted for spring, something will grow from what you are going through, and it will be you.

If You Want to Make God Laugh----

 There is a saying:  If you want to make God laugh, tell Him your plans. Now about 4 days into a  light case of COVID and with training derailed, the phrase gives pause to ponder.  Another big push, another quest, doesn't hold the same value it had even a few days ago.  The cause isn't certain, but the miles of the journey have brought me to this location in life attendant with all the lessons this recent situation can teach.

Time will tell if I want to get back on this horse again and do another ride. Back in my drinking days, I had a practice of not making any serious decisions on a Monday.  So, no new announcement.  I am circling the airport waiting for instructions from the Life Traffic Controller.

"One of the hardest decisions you ever make in life is choosing to walk away or try harder."

Go Die on the Mountain

 My 80 years have not been lived without learning something.  I haven't been asleep in my recliner all these years, you know.    Now, to add to advanced age, snail-like run pace.   Unstable and often painful knee, no road experience in over a year on the bike, and on and on, ad nauseam.  

Now, to discourage me further, and send me off to permanent retirement in reclinerville, to become and a fearful follower of the media, here comes COVID.  My wife and son are down with and having been exposed, I wait my turn for a little more misery. 

While it is early in this quest that I haven't even explained yet, this certainly is a hope dasher, taking away a lot of the rah-rah that great beginnings often have.  Whatever is trying to stop me is surely making it easier to quit.  But I have found that easy roads seldom lead anywhere really worth going to.  It's the climbs that make the course.  So, when and if I get COVID and, God willing, I recover from it, I'm still going for the climb. One can die on the mountain, or melt away like ice cream on a hot day in a recliner.

Share My Journey

 I hope this lasts.  The feeling keeps coming back:  God is not finished with me yet.  This is just going to be an exercise in faith but I am hard on the trail of "going to be."  I don't see how I am going to do this but with God all things are possible.  The plan is just to give God my best and leave results to Him. 

I haven't even been on a road bike in a year and a half, and I have signed up for a half-ironman event.  I have swam in 8 months.  But there is a peace about it.  There seems no good alternative but to try, to train, to believe.

There will be more in the vein of a formal announcement where I lay out my plans and my hopes and dreams.  Such an announcement will sort of burn my bridges behind me so I don't think losing heart and slinking off will be easy.   I am just a man, subject to all the frailties of our species. Share my journey.  God bless.

You Can Do This

 There never was a better time.   You can do this. Don't look to the right or left.  Put all force forward, one step ahead of the other.  Don't quit; don't make excuses to retreat to ease and comfort.  Embrace the pain.  It's part of life. Grit your teeth. Deal with it.  Don't be humbled by it.  Be humbled only by God and all He can do with even poor material like you.  

Move on, keep moving on; forward.  Accept His help.  Depend upon His promises no matter what today looks like.   Live out your faith in trust in Him to get you through this no matter what happens. Nevertheless.   

You are tempted for lesser days on every side by family, friends, social media, and mostly your own lack of courage and laziness.    Get over yourself and your comfort and conformity addiction.  Move on.  Your prayers have been answered with "Trust me."  You can do this. Praise God and keep moving forward.

Cold Thoughts- For the Good Days

 Ice on the steps and I am wondering when the power will go off.  With all the high-tech new and improved plastic everything, I wonder why, more than ever, we have trouble keeping the power on. So, I am stuck in the house, thankful for a fireplace and the hope that winter won't last forever.  

I did a couple hours on my trainer bike last night which left me hopeful.  Today, I am living the old man in me, and need to get moving.  I haven't done much but read, check my phone, and take a nap.  If this is a normal day for an 80-year-old, I really won't make that turn in life well.  I don't know how people do it.  Maybe they just feel worse than I do? Maybe illness and disability over time have taken the stinger out of the bee in their lives.

And two, I don't see how folks live up north where this weather as normal winter fare. So I have sat here, thought about it, and written myself into feeling blessed.  

I am blessed I have that hot coal in my heart that wants more, that is intensely dissatisfied with lethargic living.  I am blessed to live where I do, where this kind of raw weather will pass into beautiful days; days for good training; days outside with good people who care for me.  God thank you for the hope within in me - for the good days, now and every more.

Ironman Waco 70.3 - Silly Me I Think It Will be OK

 How can this be?  A new beginning and the first fresh day of a new year and I forgot to do my strength and flexibility regimen.  I also messed around until it was too late to do my indoor bike ride. So, the New Year's question is: am I really that committed to going all in for a half-ironman event.  It doesn't look like it from here, today, no, not at all.

And I don't seem all spun up over my negligent behavior.  Maybe I really don't want this bad enough?  Maybe I know I am over the hill and realize that this is all one big facade where I try to act like a younger man without significant injuries?  But it is most likely part of the wisdom that comes with all this aging stuff.  Silly me, I think it will be OK.  

Of course, I did run on my trails for the first time in a few weeks.  Painful but tolerable, not bad.  Glad I faced that one down for now.  Plus, I did about 40 minutes of good mountain bike riding.  I split firewood for a spell and worked with my tractor before coming in for the night.  So, the day wasn't a complete waste.  I ate clean today and feel good as I ready for bed.  I am at peace about my half-Ironman 70.3 training, as it is months away.  And I gave all this to God, win, lose, or whatever, a long time ago.  Since it is essentially out of my hands, Silly me, I think it will be OK.