The Worst of Days

The worst week in many, many years.  I just turned everything loose and let it go. Not much athletically was accomplished except I kept up my flexibility and weight regimen.  Something wouldn't let me give in  completely.  It didn't all fall.  For me it is quite certain this half hearted lifestyle can ever be made peace with and followed as a plan (or no plan) for life. There is the caged feeling to be dealt with and pacing the bars of the cage has left me so restless.  

Maybe no one notices but I keenly sense it:  I am not myself.  How many others out there face this down themselves?   The strange country visited with myself this past week has shown me that even at age 80 "I won't go gentle into the night"  

There was a lot learned from last week.  Failure and down times has shown me that my training is an important  connection to God  in my life.  It is hard to believe He wants any of us to settle for less than what we can do.   Realizing all that, no, it wasn't the worst of days.

You Are Not Treading Water in Life Anymore

 It's the discipline that I miss.  It's the purposeful pursuit of excellence with myself I so miss.   Without the discipline, life is a bit rudderless.  Oh, there are things to do, causes to follow, goals to achieve, but none exerts the personal discipline I have found in training for endurance sports. 

It demands a certain truth, from ourselves about ourselves.    I either did the workout or I didn't.  I am either on schedule or not. I am all I can be or I am letting myself off the hook.  And that is glaringly apparent.  There is no hiding out. You can't fake yourself into shape enough to do an ironman.  The training demands to be done, no excuses.

The very nature of training is one of personal responsibility and certainly,  this world needs a big dose of that.  Training makes you different.  You are not going along in life marking time from Monday to hump day, to "thank God it's Friday."  Those days mean something on this journey. You are not treading water in life anymore.  The discipline, yeah, I miss it.  

In the Moment With God

 

In doing endurance sports I have always hoped that I was an inspiration for others to emulate.   However, this thought crossed my mind the other day:  do I want to be an inspiration or do I want to inspire.  Often I thought they were the same thing.   But  being an inspiration, isn't that about me becoming something rather than specifically about others being inspired?  As an old triathlete do I really like it when others applaud my performance because of my age and I consequently feel like a tough old bird for my age?  Or, do I do it so others might be inspired to challenge their own perceived age limitations, whether it be age, physicality, or whatever

Upon examining true motives I have often found myself prideful-pounding on my chest like some geriatric Tarzan.  There is a scripture that says something to the effect, “Search me O God and know my heart:  try me and know my thoughts.” (Psalm 139:23)  That is a scary proposition.  It would be a lot easier and less painful to work on the faults of someone else.  But I have found that my greatest times of personal and spiritual growth occur after I have sincerely asked God to “fix me, fix me!”

I would love to do another ironman.  That would be quite satisfying and uplifting but to make life complete, I only have to be grateful and giving, completely in life, in the moment with God.

 

Just Begin ------AGAIN !!

• The week was getting away from me, again.  Hold on. I need to get that training in.   But I feel so whipped on so many levels.  The internal dialogue continued. "Fix your water bottles for the ride" "But" "Just begin, Marv. You'll never make it happen unless you begin. Come on, take the first step.  Begin.  "How am I going to do this with all I have coming against me?" 
• "Just begin." That was the same conversation I had with myself in a previous post by when I did my half-ironman distance event.  The water was so cold. My doubts were working overtime on my confidence. My thoughts became, "Come on, let's just begin."
•  http://milesofthejourney.blogspot.com/2010/11/put-your-face-into-it-and-move-on.html 
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• I feel like a fool for signing up for Ironman Waco 70.3, but I did.  It's not my first act of stupidity.  After over 40 years of this stuff and having faced this same struggle many times, I  know that if I will just take that first step; just start the momentum, I can usually get the job done. And sometimes, unexpectedly, I might have a great day, a great workout that will make it all worth it.   
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• If I had only one piece of advice to give to those considering entering the endurance fitness arena, it would be this: just begin. Step into the water. You just might surprise yourself.

Sweating Out Ironman Fever

 I believe it was Thoreau that wrote something to the effect that "a man thinking is always alone."  That's philosophical stuff and I love philosophy but my case is much more low brow than that.  People in my life are tired of hearing of me talk about this ironman thing all the time.   That keeps me alone most of the time.  B

Since I have been following the latest Ironman Texas my thinking has degraded to little more than  trying to figure out  how I could somehow cheat age and circumstance and do this bad boy ironman.  Bottom line is I am temporarily (temporarily I  hope) insane.  

Right now I am trying to wait this out without doing something stupid like signing up for the event.   I got over my very light case of COVID in 4-5 days.  But, this case of Ironman-itius, is really hanging on.  Maybe I should go to the doctor or do one of this virtual visits and ask for some medicine to relieve the symptoms of this disease?  Or, if it is an addiction, maybe I could  get some substance abuse therapy.  But what substance am I abusing?  I guess this consuming addiction is preventing the acquisition of any common sense and  rational judgment I might have a chance at.   I really don't know.  

I keep praying but so far I can hear a clear answer.  And so, as another day passes of my illness, I will go to bed and count miles of the ironman instead of sheep.  Maybe tomorrow this ironman fever will break.