80 Years Old - Taking the Risk to be Myself.

 It seems that the older you get the more one is expected to conform to conventional wisdom about age.   But what if they are wrong?  Who are "they" anyway.  As I approach 80 years old I find it hard to "stay down" and cultivate my old age like a garden.  At almost 80 there is still a fire down there.  As my dad used to say, "There is snow on the rooftop but there is a fire in the furnace."  

The more I read and experience, and the more I observe those my age, the more I hear about how everything goes downhill with body and mind when you get this age.  And, there is not much use in trying to fight it.  It just is.  Accept my fate and behave myself and die properly on time.  

Why?  If I am on a slippery slide to death, what's to lose.  Oh, you are old and you could hurt yourself, "they" may say.   Goodness, but you can hurt yourself at any age.  If all that's left to life is pain, and pills, followed by death, where is the scare in hurting yourself?

And conventional wisdom says don't do  too much exercise at your age.  Again, you could hurt yourself.  But, according to what I have read and experienced, it appears exercise is needed more in  older ages, maybe more, than younger age groups.  People stop moving as they accept the old age scripts someone else has written for them.  They move less and worry more as they watch scare tactic media,  reporting every day a new way that the sky is falling.  

So, if we are doomed because of old age and doomed because of things going on in the world, why not move more, risk more, create more, be more than you are expected to be.  It's not to late for dreams but dreams don't work unless you do.  

I  want to take the risk to be myself.  God give me the strength and keep me in your care.  amen.

What Living in the Sloth Jacket is Like

 Lethargy began by me taking my foot off the gas.  That somehow seems to be what people do when they reach a certain state in life or age.  Don't  I want to be like other people?  Aren't we hard-wired for that?  We like to be loved and noticed but from the safety of camouflaged lives.  Safety  first.  

Now, months into limited training, the sloth jacket fits me quite well.  And the peace and comfort it brings me, makes me wonder why would I ever go back to living a life with my hair on fire?  Life is easy, comfortable, quiet, not confrontational, and almost effortless.  Wasted time goes flying by. Days pass and I wonder what I did with them except consume.  How wonderful to be so disengaged with effort in life. 

This has been going on so long I don't seem to miss the wars anymore.  I am like a lion in a cage that had the door left open but never left.  The cage is just too quiet, easy, and comfortable to leave.  It all seems like a kind of peaceful death I don't regret anymore.  

But, in the recesses of what wilder spirit left in me, there is a spark of wonder.  Could I start that fire again and make it blaze like before?  And if I did that, would I be happy in it anymore.  Or would I saunter on back to my cage to comfortably wait the end?  

Lots of questions.  No real answers.  I think I will go for  a trainer ride.

CHALLENGING THE DRIFT

 We have done an intermittent fast the last couple of days.  So far, not much change.  It does add structure to life, that is, trying to figure out when to eat and still get all the other stuff in life done.  But I would imagine, that that exercise is good for life structure as well.  

Right now without structured training, some form of life-structure could be a real asset.  I remember fishing far down the river and we broke the prop off the motor.  We were left to drift with the current down the river, away from home.  It is a helpless feeling at the mercy of the current swept  along where you would not have chosen to go.  Life seems sort of like that sometimes and I  don't like it.  And,  I  suppose when I don't like it enough, when I  come to myself , I will do  something to fight aimless drifting and challenge the drift.  

Drifting powerless  down river is a helpless feeling  but it doesn't have to stay that way.  The main thing is not to turn that momentary "helpless" into a full time "hopeless."  

We picked  up the  paddles and made our way to shore.  With each taking  turns pulling the  boat by the bow line,  we waded tiresome miles against the current pulling the boat finally to home.    I can do  that.  God give me  the strength,  the will, to  pick up  my paddle and make  for  shore. The  way  will be hard and tiresome but it is the only way to true home.

Never give up.  God is still working.  Are you?

Running the Last Lap Well

 In the words of James Brown, "I  feel good."  For someone checking off this year to 80 years old, it seems out of place to feel this good. I think the fast had something to do with it, but I think overall lifestyle has something to do with it as well.  I eat whole food, plant based and try to limit stress and aggravation as much as possible.  

 I know at this age that I don't have a long term lease on this apartment but I want to live as much real life as I can right up  until the day my lease is up.  So, I going all in on what I love, while I have health and ability.  As I lean into life to wring its last succulent drop of nectar, these are the things I want to do:

I want to be active:         doing hard physical work; tough mental work; training. 

I want to be brave:         confronting what scares me like in triathlon and other endurance sports.

                                        confronting what disturbs my spirit and lessens my ability to live out my                                                    remaining days  well.  

I want to be loving:        Not holding back but expressing love felt. Leaving no love unsaid.

I want to risk more:        I really have nothing to lose anyway.  Why hold back?  I am going to sign up                                            for a half Ironman at this time when I have trouble walking.  I want to some                                            sprint triathlons before that. Tall order for a limping old man.  But I have found                                         God in those struggles over the years and succeed or fail, I know I will find                                            Him in my efforts and --------------------

I  want  to be closer still to God - As I am more or less packing for the trip to His house, I want to have an even more intimate relationship with Him.  I intend to pray more and have cause to smile more, laugh more, and live more until I am called to my true home.

The Fast Continues - The Final Phase of Self-Denial

Only 7 1/2 hours to go on this 48 hour fast.  Amazing how much easier it is when you have some time and experience in this.  At first, I was looking for snacklets all the time.  At first, I was thinking food at breakfast, lunch and dinner.  It was supposed to be.  The paradigm seems to have shifted a bit and a newer habit is in the works.  It probably won't be enough time in to become permanent, but the effect surely can't be missed in modifying future eating habits.   But this is good.  However, I do notice that I get fatigued more easily from my morning exercise.  There is an underlying shaky that I am not used to.   

I think this is good endurance training.  It trains the mind in the habits of foregoing present comfort for a future goal.  It can teach sacrifice and self-denial, important in endurance sports and in relationship with others.  Sometimes, love is going to cost something.   We need to know we can pay that price.  This can be the parent/child relationships, or an elder relative that needs that love and care that requires sacrifice and self-denial.  That's what God wants of us. 

THE FAST BEGINS

 It has only been 16 hours since eating that huge fruit salad.  So far, I am not hungry at all.  What is amazing is the reflexive tendency to eat though not hungry.  Many times, I catch myself absently mindedly reaching for something.  For this reason alone, the fast will be worth it, as it will provide a look back at my own negative habits with eating.  For me, there is little doubt that this is one of the reasons weight doesn't get down to what I want it to even though I eat plant based.  Maybe there really is too much of a good thing- like nuts.  Nuts are high nutrition but high calorie and "too much" is reached fairly soon. 

So the fast can help show the "want" from the "need" when it comes to eating.  Now, to get moving.  Negative inertia is hard to overcome.  Wish me well.

Again

 Again, I want to start.  Again, I want to get out on a bike. Again, I want to run.   So, I am blogging -- again.  The bike wreck broke me up mentally and physically pretty bad in September and the consequent down time healing has left me athletically listless.  I want out of that rut and back on the road.  Again, I want to be that man in motion.   

There hasn't been too much of a weight gain but to get rid of those pounds and to firm resolve, I am going to fast for 48 hours.    I want to put this out here in order to burn my bridges behind me to counter that impulse to retreat that is sure to come.  At this age, I am not sure how much and how far I can take this.  So, I am going on and planning on taking this on like a young man and if God has other plans:  so be it.  I can accept that.  

My last meal was a huge bowl of fruit.  I know.  It is easy to be bold about fasting on a full stomach.  OK, here we go:  48 hours of only liquid.  I pray I will do well and find the better part of myself - again.