The Choice

 Ironman training is brutal and scary.  It takes so much out of me and my life.  I miss a lot of things going on around me. I am half-conscious in some conversations.  Why would anyone go through all this? In the late stage of ironman training, I often question my motives and my sanity. 

But there is a flip side to it.  The training itself is disciplined enduring and it adds a structure to life that I don't have when I am "taking it easy" like I seem to be doing now. Since time and energy are valued assets more in ironman training, a more judicious use of those assets is required. A lot of sort of "junk mail" activities get let go for the greater plan.  That practice bleeds over into ordinary life make it more efficient as well. 

And if I need a reason to stay with endurance sports or some serious and consistent exercise program, all I have to do is go shopping.  It seems America is eating and resting its way into physical care oblivion.  How can health care keep up with the demand this lifestyle  is placing and will place on our society?  And I wonder, when I look at the men my age:    is this the new normal, a lifestyle of physical erosion  into obesity and poor health  

Often I have looked at all the bikes and equipment in a transition area and thought how many thousands of dollars are represented there.  I look at the  men going in and out of stores and think how many thousands of dollars in medicines and health care are represented there as well.   And for all their normalcy, do they live any better, any less painful, than I do in the worst of ironman training?  I don't see happy on those faces.  I do see that on ironman participants.  It's my choice

Revive Again

 

It has been 4 weeks since the mountain bike wreck and broken ribs.  But, I think I am about healed.  Today I am going to do a light mountain bike ride again.  Of course, I am going through the same spot where I wrecked.  There just seems to be a pull to do that, to face the demons of the past.  

I remember about a year and a half ago, the area where this flower is now was covered in Snow.  It was a dark, bleak, cold time for the world. For me too.  But life and beauty persist in the very place of the cold, dark, and seemingly hopeless.  Such is the flower.  Such is a child of God.  Where the pain from the broken ribs persisted by day, and kept me awake at night, now breathes easily, and the feeling is strong.  I am blooming after the blizzard, despite the blizzard in my life.

Now it is incredibly hot and humid here and outside workouts are tough sweatfests but that too will pass and the now dried up bloom will revive again.  And I will too,.  I will revive again both in this life and in the one to come.

Scattered

 "Scattered" is the word a family member used to describe a mindset and lifestyle and it resonated with me immediately.  Lately there has been a lot going  in this transition.  There has been a lot of  thinking, and even some scattered attempts at planning.  But still, I am all over the place in this transition.  I am scattered.  But  I am not believing this is a permanent condition.  I don't think God will leave me like this.  

But I long for those days of un-scattered laser focus, ignoring competing sounds, noise, and influence   As scripture says, "Laying aside every weight and the sin which doeth so easily beset us, and let us run the race that is set before us."  I guess there is some "laying aside" to be done before laser focus takes over.  I have to give up.

Give up what? Give up the ordinary comforts in body, mind, and sprit that often lulls a person asleep to the life God has "set before us?"  Comfort just may the greatest danger to whatever calling God may have placed upon me.  Comfort is such a seduction as are comfort foods. Both can lead one down a dreamy path going no where  to a life scattered in its focus.  

And giving up can also mean sacrifice.  What am I willing to surrender to fulfill God's calling upon my life.  How much can I "deny myself" and "pick up my cross" -whatever that may be - and follow Jesus.  So, to get myself together I need to find my cross and do some cross carrying with Jesus.  No doubt that will lead to  being  able to "run that race that is set before us," and to have a life un-scattered..

Living by Exception

 I have been trying to eat whole food, plant-based for about 5 years now.  Yes, I am pretty healthy and capable at 78 years old.  I don't take medication.  Most of my markers are fine.  However, I have not lost the weight I would have hoped.  

What's wrong?  Wouldn't it be nice to be 20 lbs lighter to keep the extra load off the joints running or for climbing on the bike?  What's the problem?

So, at the beginning of this "transition" (see previous posts) I started tracking weight and dietary exceptions to my eating plan.  It wasn't pretty - back to knowing yourself.  What I found was that I have an eating plan rife with "exceptions."   "The truth will set you free" and "just" is the killer word that can keep you enslaved to habits that don't speak to your progress.  An eating plan shot through with exceptions will not lead to success, and excuses like "this little bit won't hurt" could be the saboteur of my weight loss.  

Is it really a plan at all or an act of self-deception if I turn aside at the first opportunity to yield to a temptation?  And doesn't this  apply to all phases and areas of our lives?  We can never get where we say we what to go if we ultimately live by exception to our plans.  For me, getting off on bad habits is sort of an erosion: an erosion of purpose, will, and finally personal progress.  

Coming to Myself Transition

This is sort of a continuation of the previous post about the scary business of being honest with yourself about yourself.   There is a scripture from the Bible that says, "And you shall know the truth and the truth shall set you free."  I think that verse is speaking of the truth of the Gospel setting us free from the law of sin and death. 

The truth about yourself will set you free too.  One can't change or improve very well if one does not know or acknowledge what is wrong. Knowing your faults and weaknesses and acknowledging them is the first step to confronting them.  The truth can set you free from self-delusion so you can move forward to be the person God designed you to be to begin with.  You can "arrive at the beginning" so to speak and come to yourself.  

I remember the story in the Bible of the prodigal son  who squandered his life and inheritance in a life of consumptive delusion to find himself broke and a Jewish boy working in pig pens eating what pigs eat.  Then he "came to himself" and began his journey back home, to his family, and to the himself he had left there to follow his delusions. 

It seems I am having a "coming to myself" transition.  I sense a need and a calling to  be more honest with myself and be true to the self I was designed to be. I need to be the same person all the time; no shadows, no false illusions.  And so far, so good.  My lifestyle and nutrition has been much better the last couple of days.  I almost feel the spirit rise up to meet me and help me in this quest for the legitimate self.  Praise God.

A Scary Look Inside

 For me, the hardest place to look seems to be inside.  I condemn other people and media for putting their own distorted   spin on events and behaviors while never confronting the spin I put on myself.  True self-awareness is hard to come by. - the beast that bites us upon approach.  Most often, self-awareness is a hostile area I really don't want to venture into - the ultimate adventure into the minefield of illusions about myself. .  

Would I want to be my friend if I met me out there in the world.?  What do I talk about that would make me  interesting and inspiring.  Would I want to spend more time with me or get to know me better.?

One day recently I recorded some of my own conversations and found I don't sound as good as I thought I did.    Hmmm.   Maybe that is  why I, along with many people, dwell a lot on other people's faults and crazy notions?

In preparation for  going on yet another endurance sports journey,  I started keeping a log of all the junk I eat every day.   Nutrition is critical for what I am looking toward, and I can't rely on my own nutritional self- perception.  The truth wasn't pretty.  The truth is hard to come by about yourself, but like it or not, its the truth.  I can either change, or go on and feed and fatten my illusions, and probably not live up to the best I could achieve. 

The light of the truth flushes out all  weakness and indiscretions.  Do I really want to see myself as God sees me.  As the Bible says, "no shadow of turning?"  Can I live without shadows to hide myself and all my bad habits within?  God knows, and He doesn't believe our self-spin for a moment.  He wants us to realize and repent to go on to "run the race" He has set before us.

Courage

  You never expect it.  It was almost dark when  I was coming around a curve  on my mountain bike about 12 miles an hour.  I couldn't see what, but something caught my front wheel, and off I flipped into the bushes.

For a week now I have had to put up with rib soreness, cuts and abrasions, and a swollen and discolored thumb.  There may be a broken rib.  I don't know.  I could go to the doctor for it, but my  idea is that he/she would only X-ray it, say it  and tell me it will be 6 weeks, and here are some pain pills if you need them.  For that I could pay a 150-200 deductible, but at least I would know, for whatever good that would do me.  It will still take 6 weeks. I have had broken ribs before. 

Again, endurance sports training is a lot like life:  the pursuit of excellence requires a lot of hard work, commitment and dedication.  And thrown in there you have to be able to get hurt and come back  You got to be able to take a punch, because life will hit hard sometimes  Looking back over my training log history, I find it is replete with seemingly one injury after another over the years.  And so is life.  We grow when we face what we are  confronted  with,  and what we can overcome.  

 It would seem the key to personal, physical, and spiritual growth is courage. Courage to confront against the odds; courage to keep on when pain screams loudly and all seems lost; courage to ignore the voices of naysayers and doomsday prophets; courage to admit mistakes, to see that the course wasn't  going in the  "direction of your dreams," and turn away from it.  And, it requires courage to have faith; faith in yourself, faith in  your training, faith in your fellow man, and most of all faith in God.