Done a lot of doubting lately. Worst of all is that I start doubting myself, whether I have it anymore to pick myself up and face again, the "slings and arrows of outrageous fortune." I would imagine it was that same heartbreak that Lee suffered when he surrendered, or Santa Anna had to surrender to Sam Houston. Short version: surrender is a heartbreaker.
What about those who didn't surrender in the face of overwhelming odds? The men at the Alamo didn't surrender and died deaths true to their school. They "died with their boots on" so to speak even if their boots may be stolen after they were dead. And they were all dead, literally a dead end.
The Texan at Goliad were a lot smarter. They saw how fruitless and futile it would be to try on so they surrendered. They were killed anyway. Surrender was a dead end too. I have often wondered if those poor Texas as they lined up to die, wished they would have fought on even to death
So do I do an Alamo or Goliad? In those last moments the result will be the same. But until then, life won't be the same and those last moments which inevitably come, it won't be the same. Knowing who I am, I realize I won't be the same either.
Today, I hear the call that I surrender to age and circumstance, to give up triathlon and serious training. Today, this moment, I will answer with a cannon shot from my walls. Today, this moment, I want to make life climb the wall and come and try to take me.
Proud words. Now to get up from this table and fight the good fight.
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