The Right Kind of Crazy Stuff

There is a peace this morning. The answer came; the decision made then acted upon: I AM IN !
IRONMAN TEXAS APRIL 28TH, 2018

http://www.ironman.com/triathlon/events/americas/ironman/texas.aspx#/axzz48IRjLSXJ

The event is ten months away and it is presumptuous to think at this age I will live that long, much less be able to do an ironman event. Of course it's insane but I have my excuses all laid out along with my "things to do" lists and training plan. And they are: I am old, senile, overcome with dementia, and deluded due to lack of oxygen to the brain. It's not my fault I do crazy stuff, you see.

And I have this crazy notion that God is in this with me; approves and smiles at upon it. Yeah, crazy stuff going on, this believing. Why would I think God has anything to do with this just because I have prayed fervently several times a day about it: just because I fasted and prayed about all this. This may no prove anything except the obvious(as previously) stated: senile, dementia, delusion.

However, this morning I am at peace about this decision and I am peace with God. Perhaps the right kind of crazy stuff really isn't all that bad.

I Am Afraid

Decision time comes in about three days. I am afraid. Yes, I am afraid; afraid of the level of commitment required; the amount of fatigue to endure; the pain, the discomfort. I am afraid. I am afraid that I can't sustain the season and consequently, will have to admit that I am getting too old. I am afraid of what I would have to put my loved ones through yet again. And, I am afraid that if I do make it to the starting line that my performance may even be worse than the year before. Here again, I would have to admit I need to find more sedentary pursuits and start checking out the price of rocking chairs.

But, I am more afraid of giving up before I am finished and what it would do to me. I am afraid that I won't cope well with lesser challenges and a more mediocre lifestyle. I have been to the mountain, and it might be hard now to live in the valleys.

So, amidst hopes and fears I count the costs like the disciples of Jesus did before assuming a life of sacrifice.

"For which of you, intending to build a tower, sitteth not down first , and counteth the cost, whether he have sufficient to finish it? Luke 14:28


So, I have counted the cost and prayed enough to know God is with me: now, then, and forevermore, and I am not afraid.

Questions

Two weeks until registration opens for Ironman Texas 2108. Do I really want to go to that level of effort and commitment again? Is the going up really worth the coming down this time? Did I do enough last time to scratch that itch? Do I feel God wants me to do more on the ironman playing field or on another?

The training and the motivation doesn't seem to be there: perpetually fatigued, slow to get to workouts, a sort of athletic apathy. Sure there are moments that light me up when I hear about ironman, but they are not sustained moments and ironman training is about sustaining.

And, I wonder if the beauty of that wonderful experience at Ironman Texas this year has set the standard so high that I would be sure to be disappointed by a renewed effort? Would the beauty of that experience be tarnished by reaching for more and messing up the image and feeling I have about 2017? Now it seems I have so many questions about something I thought I was sure about. Am I done here? Is it time to just do small events, or get involved in some areas of service that I have not explored?

The brain seems perpetually clouded with fatigue, so much so that I don't trust any decision right now. So, once again, there is nothing to do but pray; leave it God to decide and trust the results to Him. Perhaps that is where He has been pushing me to all along? Is that so bad?

PS: Starting tomorrow morning I am doing 24 hours of fasting and prayer.