IROMAN TEXAS 2022 TRAINING WEEK #5 Getting Lost

 Company here and so many distractions that the training for the fifth week was not that great.  There was a 60 mile bike ride with a 2 mile brick run following and later in the week a 2 hour run, but the passion seems subdued, in danger of more disruption from whatever personal wind might blow.  

This is ironman training at its best.  This is where its made or broken in the harder personal challenges that come against us;  to have to reach down and declare who and what you are about. Today I feel somewhat angry with myself and want to reaffirm not to let my calling down again. God help me to keep that promise.  God help me to live out my promise to Him, myself, and my wife to do my very best.  That hasn't happened yet, but I am determined to make it so.

I am tired of getting lost in the mire of everyday life issues to the extent that I lose sight of the journey I am on and what I am doing it for.  God help me to see the bigger picture of where this is leading and find my way to the whatever finish line He has in store.   Amen.

Ironman Texas Training Week #2 - Trying to Get the Rhythm Going

 This is a transition time into the rhythm of ironman training.  The leftover mindset with it consequents habits still linger, slowing the training down and shifting focus.  It is sort of like breaking a horse.  It is hard to get the saddle on the days of training. 

I think it is sort of the way I think of myself.  It seems I haven't fully embraced what I am involved in here. It is quite easy and natural to drift only with life as before as I lose track that I need to get the days training in.  Consequently, I seem to always be catching up on my training.  

However, I have been doing really well sticking to my nutrition plan I made for this process. Winning some, losing some, some are a draw. So it is with my faith life.  I had planned to read a Bible chapter a day as means of keeping myself spiritually focused and committed to keeping God in the front and center of my effort.  Perhaps, I should do that first thing every day.  

"Seek ye first the kingdom of heaven and all these things shall be added unto you."

Questions

Two weeks until registration opens for Ironman Texas 2108. Do I really want to go to that level of effort and commitment again? Is the going up really worth the coming down this time? Did I do enough last time to scratch that itch? Do I feel God wants me to do more on the ironman playing field or on another?

The training and the motivation doesn't seem to be there: perpetually fatigued, slow to get to workouts, a sort of athletic apathy. Sure there are moments that light me up when I hear about ironman, but they are not sustained moments and ironman training is about sustaining.

And, I wonder if the beauty of that wonderful experience at Ironman Texas this year has set the standard so high that I would be sure to be disappointed by a renewed effort? Would the beauty of that experience be tarnished by reaching for more and messing up the image and feeling I have about 2017? Now it seems I have so many questions about something I thought I was sure about. Am I done here? Is it time to just do small events, or get involved in some areas of service that I have not explored?

The brain seems perpetually clouded with fatigue, so much so that I don't trust any decision right now. So, once again, there is nothing to do but pray; leave it God to decide and trust the results to Him. Perhaps that is where He has been pushing me to all along? Is that so bad?

PS: Starting tomorrow morning I am doing 24 hours of fasting and prayer.

Ironman Confession

It feels like time to finally write about it-to say it. Sometimes our best efforts end in failure. What can I say? It happens. With my ironman effort, it happened.

For various reasons out of my control, I dropped out of my ironman distance effort about a month and a half ago. That hurt. For about a week I was in a mental funk. Then over the next weeks, training became inconsistent. Oh, I have had some good bike rides, but my limited training is generally unmotivated. It is as if I were in mourning. And, in a way, maybe I have been. Didn't feel like writing about it until now.

It seemed like the death of a dream. At my age, how much longer can I exxpect to be able to train like I need to in order to do an ironman? How can I expect to be able to be dedicated to ironman training ever, when life situations and family seem to always require my dedication?

But, there were good times in my short-lived venture into ironman. For about a week I was so pumped that I couldn't sleep. My thoughts in quiet times went to ironman, and I was already visioning my effort on event day. I was intensely alive for that time, and I thank God for how it made me feel. And I thank Him for the humility I have received in having to cope with this disappointment. But sometimes it is hard to be thankful for a broken heart.

At the same time, I have also achieved an even higher level of respect and admiration for the folks that manage to somehow overcome and make it to the starting line. They should give these folks medals for just getting there. Somehow their courage, their triumph won't let me give in. I see the faces. I view the pictures and sense that feeling of being in ironman training.

I want that picture of me back. How? I don't know. I honestly don't know. But I do know that life says try and something says I must. Now my goal is not only to cross the finish line and have it said that I am an ironman. No, I want the whole package - the entire experience, the journey. I pray that God will one day honor me again with the opportunity and bless me with the discipline of training for an ironman. I want the honor, the thrill of getting into the water with my heroes to start an ironman day.

Yes, sometimes our best efforts only lead to failure, but as the song says,
"Failure isn't final with the Father."

Wouldn't Miss This Misery for the World

It's true. I have finally completed a full week of ironman training and only missed one workout-a 2000 yard swim. This is the first ordered week after four of just scrambling to get at least some workouts in, here and there.

Ate lunch after my long run, laid down and just died. Woke up several times but just couldn't get up. It was as if something was holding me down. I went back to sleep. And this is just the beginning. This is only about 17 hours of training this week. When in full swing, I can imagine that all I will be doing is training, eating, and crashing. Do I really want to do this?

And miss this fight? And miss the chance to see if I really have what it takes? And miss the growth opportunity that will most assuredly occur both on a personal and spiritual level? No way...wouldn't miss this misery for the world.