As the year draws to a close, I find that by the end of this month, I will have been in treatment three months of the twelve I will have to do. That is a long way to go, but a lot behind me already. Scary to think of what the long-term effects of the altered diet and constant drug intake will do over the long haul.
What will be left of me by Christmas next year, if I make it that far? What will be my capabilities next year when this gets through with me? Is life just a "hold until relieved" affair now, with no real hope for the activity I have loved so much all my life? Can I keep giving up this, giving up that, for the next nine months without being overly depressed?
Questions, questions, questions, and no real answers. Can I live without the answers and face life as it comes to me or leaves me?
Facing life in the dark is where God comes in. It is dark, very dark, in my bedroom when I get up during the night to find my way to the bathroom. But, I have done this route so many times that all I have to do is touch an object or piece of furniture, and I know where I am and can proceed on to the bathroom.
So, it is with God. When the darkness of all this uncertainty and many unanswered questions seems to overwhelm me. I just have to reach out to God, touch His familiar hand, and I know where I am. Whatever happens in the darkness of the next nine months, I can find my way because God is with me. Emanuel-God is with Us...... Merry Christmas
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