Yesterday and last night was Ironman Texas and I wasn't there. I spent the day doing yard stuff and building fences., thinking about the event. There is nothing wrong with yardwork or fence building. I love yardwork and fencing but I say that only to provide contrast; a before and after view, so to speak.
For some reason this year, Ironman Texas has haunted me like a ghost, before, after, and during. Why? Is God trying to tell me something? Nothing has changed in life to provoke this almost unnatural chain of thought. Perhaps it is because doing an ironman is so impossible for me now. May be this is the last holdout attempt to fight the realization that I am over the hill.
But keeping an ear to the ground about ironman and the people doing it has enlivened my spirit in the process. This enlivened spirit has added so much to the day. The bad thing is that the word "maybe" crept into my thinking process. The internal conflict goes something like this:
"No, it's over."
"But maybe."
"No more maybes We have been here lots of times. It's over."
"Yeah, that's probably true. I need to move on."
But I can't help it. My version of "moving on" is trending toward finding some impossible way to do this ironman. Wrong thinking I know but I keep being haunted by quotes like."
"The only impossible journey is the one you didn't begin."
Or, " Live for the moments you can't put into words."
If this "impossible journey" is to "live for those moments I can't put into words. " If I keep being haunted by the "what if" and I can't resist the urge to "find the climb" then God help me before I hurt myself.
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