By now I see that I won't ever stop training. Life events have taken most of the opportunities to compete but I seem to get up and go after training each day like there was a good reason for it. I am training almost with the same purpose and intent as when I trained for events. And I wonder: what is wrong with me?
Perhaps there is a part of me that won't give up completely. Maybe the training is the holdout in the process of complete surrender, and I just don't want to go there.
And perhaps training has become so much of who I am that I can't give it up if I want to. Perhaps it is my tattoo that I won't have removed no matter what. Maybe age and circumstance have taken all except this, but I think I have drawn my line in the sand on training Till death do us part, so to speak.
At the same time, when I finish my workouts and feel proud and grateful to God for this ability, I am still saddened somewhat that I can't take the results of my training anywhere anymore. Its strange but training makes me glad and it makes me sad, at the same time. No matter. My gratitude outweighs my sadness. And, I thank God for all the events and training I have done in the past and ask Him for more health and opportunity to train in the dark.
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