Sunday, March 20, 2016

Can I Stand That Much Normal?

Questions - as decision time comes closer, the more questions, the more doubts. In the past few days several things have come up that could negatively effect an ironman effort and consequently, effect my decision to try to do this ironman.

A supposedly accurate reading of my running speed shows it to be pathetic. If this is correct, to finish before the time cut off, I would need bike and swim performances I presently am not capably of doing. Can I improve the bike and swim enough in the period of time remaining? Questions.

My support for the event is in question. Can I do this event without support? Questions. And, on the other side of the big question: can I afford not try to do this ironman? If I don't at least try, will I, at the end of the day, find enough self-respect to sustain a life without regrets? Questions.

My fear is that without "some war to fight," I might just shrivel up as a person. Would so much seem mundane. Could I look myself in the mirror and be content with being someone normal, knowing nothing anymore of victory or defeat? Can I live with all that normal ho-hum without gagging. Can I age quietly and obediently? Can I go peacefully into the night, to die at the appropriate time and proper manner? More questions.

Yeah sure, there is not much chance of me making the cut-off, so maybe I should give this ironman thing up; now and forevermore? But, can I stand that much normal? Down deep I know though, that there is no better question than "what does God want?" And then I found this quote: God didn't create any of us to be average. He didn't make us to barely get by. We were created to excel. No, I can't stand that much normal: I want what God wants.