Beyond the Nonsense

Just an animal, I suppose. When I get hurt, injured, I just want to be left alone; to just go off and die a little bit, like some animals do. No idea why. Perhaps it is a defensive posturing or something? For some reason my back and hips are killing me, and there seems no relief. And, I wonder: is this the way it will end. Scary too, I know I won't go peacefully. My M O is to mope around a while, then do something outlandish with myself; like going out for a 100 mile bike ride just to spite my bad back. Beyond all that nonsense though, lies an underlying, foundational peace and acceptance. And my next question is what I am called to learn through this? Advanced degrees in living for me have always been procured by facing down the hard times. The ironman is my dream, and I still believe; my calling. Failure will be fought with my last drop of resolve. But, if failure comes, I will know that I have earned yet another advanced degree in patience, endurance, and acceptance of the will of God upon my life. Failure isn't final.