My triathlon life seems to be gone yet I can't quit mourning the loss. I see pictures of triathletes and read about events and such and still feel a part. I still feel connected like I still can and I could but.
I wish God would give me a firm answer to my prayers about this. I seem to get more "give it up and move on" feed back than anything but I am just not sure. Maybe I just having trouble accepting that. However, every day there is a situation which provokes the "give it up for real, and move on" feeling.
Scary too is the "who will I be" question. It seems a sort of cowardice I can't accept of myself well, to just fall out of the sky and drift to earth. I know God put this passion for personal challenge and adventure within me. Does He want me to give that up? I can't believe He does. Maybe that is what I want to believe so I can keep on trying?
Others have harder problems, I know. In the larger scheme of things my piddling questions about whether or not to give up a sport, are way down there on the food chain of importance.
But endurance sports is such an integral part of my faith life. I prary a lot out there. I pray for those in much greater need than I. Sometimes when my prayer list of the suffering is long, I pray for each person, from one road sign or bridge abatement, then pray for another on a similar stretch of road. There has never been a shortage of people to pray for. There is so much need in this world and here I am whining because I can't do triathlons anymore...Or, maybe I can.
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