Monday, July 21, 2014

Giving Up Giving Up

Never venture on that Ironman road again. It is over. Right. Sure. Giving it up. Last blog. Oh sure. With those kind of misrepresentations, I should go into politics, maybe. But, no. I am just a regular folk; nothing special. Not going to put a spin on it; and so I say it straight out: I lied.

Basically, I am not naturally a "giver-upper" and I knew that when I said I was giving up on ironman. Sure, I knew once the pain of personal defeat subsided that the phrases, "maybe," or "perhaps try again," would have to be dealt with if I were to be successful at giving up.

Trying my best to give up was sort of bizarre. It made me different; a different I didn't like as much. And the people around me probably didn't like me that much either. Bless them for puttting up with me. Life took on the color of grayscale print; a deep funk; out of bounds in a terribly unnatural world of the defeated; like an amputation of a part of my spirit. I felt disabled.

And so I prayed and I prayed. Day by day it got easier. Easier to give up? No. It became easier to accept myself and all my ironman failures; to come face to face with the realization that I had been lying, not just on my blog, not just to those who support me, but ultimately to myself. I had failed at ironman and now I had failed at giving up; thank God. Now, I know I have to go with who I am. There is no other good choice because I truly believe NOT giving up is God's first choice. OK, I am convicted. OK. I lied. I repent I am going to give up giving up.

Never give up on something you can’t go a day without thinking about.

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