Friday, July 13, 2012

The Danger of Falling Safely

It's different this week. An off day was followed by a day spent in a couple of doctor's waiting rooms-another day of. Goodness, but I feel the sag in my soul already from this. This is where I seem to go when I am not into life or life isn't into me, like it can be, should be, called to be: a sag in my soul. I had to cut down a dead tree in my yard. Due to the proximity to the house, I used a fencing tool and two logging chains hooked together, to crank the tree in the safe direction I wanted it to fall. As I cut on the tree, I would periodically crank the wench on the fencing tool to take up the slack, to capture the "give" the tree had yielded. When the tree was noticeably subdued to go in my "safe" direction, I only had to cut down, to let it fall in a lifeless heap, safely on the ground. I can't be sure about all this, but it could be a case of endurance training deficit paranoia (ETDP) or something like that. After a stretch of inactivity, doing regular stuff, I sort of get to feeling a tug of life's fencing tool pulling on me, working on me, like I worked on that tree. I can envision, the pressure, the pull, the fall, the crash to safety. Safety to whom or what? Certainly, the fall wasn't "safe" for the tree. And, falling safely would, I fear, endanger the finer part of me, of life. Funny, but I fear more getting too close to the edge and falling into a "safe" world,"knowing neither victory or defeat." I think I fear falling safely more than I do overtraining. Oh but, "be still my heart." Know that I have faced this pull before, and my faith in my mission, my journey, my God, has always sustained me against the world's logging chains and fencing tools. Too, in a couple of days, it will be "hair on fire" time. I have an event. Halfway through the bike, I can imagine that I will be thanking God that I am flying high, flying free, and I have yielded to the upward Spirit and have not fallen safely to the earth.