What Would You Have Me Do?

 Answers.  I am always looking for answers but often find that the answer doesn't come. And I find that if I become greatly circumspect and increase in wisdom,  I  have been asking the wrong questions.  

So it goes with this giving up issue.  Sometimes I wish I could just go quietly into the night without all this trying fuss.  However, every time I do an exercise or display discipline in nutrition, I think of how that will be supportive of my training and success in events.  It's a reflex.  

Then I try to lay it off on God.  God wants me to be more active in the community.  God wants me to be more active in the church and its work.  Sounds good and seems good, healthy, and holy, but it doesn't come to me in the middle of a ride or run or any other exercise.  I don't dream about it at night or reflect upon it by day.  

But I do all of the above when it comes to participating in endurance sports, especially triathlon or, God forbid, another ironman. When that impulse first hits me, there is no concern that I am soon to be 81  years old.  It isn't considered I don't have a good place to train.  All I see and feel in that moment is the passion for this, that God placed in my some time ago.  It is so aligned with my faith walk that it is almost inseparable.  So why try to separate it?  God put that fire there.  Let Him work out how He can use it. Whether I will succeed or crash and burn. It's His call. I don't need to question and think through it.  I need only to embrace my calling and go to it.

And I find the right question is an answer.  "What would you have me do?"

To be or not to be an inspiration

 

In doing endurance sports I have always hoped that I was an inspiration for others to emulate.   But, the thought crossed my mind the other day, as to whether I want to be an inspiration or do I want to inspire.  I have long thought  they were the same thing but upon reflection I and see there is a big difference.  Is it something you want to be or something you want to do.  Which takes precedence.  Being an inspiration is it about me becoming something, someone to be admired.    

As a triathlete in my early eighties now, I really like it when others applaud my performance and think I am a tough old bird for my age.  Do I do it for my "old guy" pat on the back.  Do I do it for myself to in a quest for own kudos?  Can I do it without wanting attention for myself and be satisfied with inspiring others to do what they could all along: challenge their own perceived age limitations?

Upon examining true motives I have often found myself prideful, pounding on my chest like some geriatric Tarzan.  When all the time I should consider it a blessing to be healthy enough and willful enough to be this active at this age. For that alone I should be careful to mindful to be humble and grateful, not to be an inspiration but to give inspiration to others, and to give God the glory

 

Becoming the Real Deal

 In the past couple of days in talking to people I have some respect for, I heard the word "real" to describe something and someone they thought highly of. In this world of fake news and various facades, public and private, "real" stands out shining as a bright light in a dark place. To be called "the real deal" is a pretty big compliment. 

Perhaps trying to be the "real deal" and taking total responsibility for oneself is the essence of endurance sports.  In most cases, deep down endurance sports lose the posers.  It's quite real out there just you and the road.  Things get sifted out and the world becomes quite simple in those moments.  Just get me through this next mile to the next aid station.  And deep in, it's just get me to the manhole cover just down the road.   When you don't think you can take the next step.  When you don't think you can get up off the curb and you do, it is then you know.  You are the "real deal" in these moments in time.  And I think all carry off from our efforts a portion of that achieved authenticity into our being and into our normal lives. 

Avoiding Falling on the Conveyor to Nowhere

There seems to be a trend toward sameness, obesity, inactivity, lifestyle maladies, frequent doctor visits, and overmedication.  It scares me.  I see the trend, especially among those my age and I fear falling onto that conveyor belt and losing my life in the process.  It could be so easy to just let go and let life be swept away. 

But I don't think God planned it the way we have distorted it.    Though this sedentarism is the normal way of American life, it is, in my opinion,  not the natural way of life. I don't think God had sedentary plans for our lives. I get the sense that we are to be risk-takers for God at all ages.  

"For whosoever saves his life shall lose it and whosoever loses his life for my sake shall find it."  Matt 16:25

Sunday afternoon and again I can feel the adventurous spirit creeping in and want to haunting me again. Am  I "ready to be offered?"  

Give the Spirit Room to Breathe

 The day was spent out on the roads doing errands in the city.  This exhausts me more than endurance sports.  All that was left of me  just wanted to  shower and go to bed.   All the exercise I  had done this day  was  my strength and flex session before I left.  A planned indoor ride looked like a dying cause. 

Down deep there is a rebellious streak in me that just hates for the world to have its way with me.  I just have trouble letting the necessary and ordinary take away the  senseless yet extraordinary part of life.  Sometimes what makes no sense at all seems to make the most sense of all.  

I won't ride far, I thought.  Just get a ride in and salvage something from this.  So I did and it wasn't pretty- at first.   I wanted to quit after a mile and even after 10-15 minutes, I wanted that shower.

 That should  be sufficient to call it a ride.  But it wasn't and I just kept on and on until I had hit the hour I had planned on in my schedule. And, I finished really strong, leaving me wondering:  where did that come from? 

I don't have any answers to the end of this but to say:  don't always believe the present way you feel.  Give your spirit the time to stretch and breathe through sweat and determination.  You may just wrest some of the better part of yourself for yourself and give cause to smile.  

Running At Night in a Scary World

 

Running At Night in a Scary World

It was a dark night and I was glad my light was well charged and the road was fairly quiet.  Something was moving about on the road some distance ahead. Closer, closer, it is black; a dog, a deer?  A deer, no, but a calf about 300-400 pounds was walking around in the middle of the road just under a small hill.  My first thought was that I hoped a car didn’t come over that hill about then.  There would be no way for the driver to see that calf until it was too late. 

 

Almost as if I had ordered up an automobile,  headlights appeared in the distance.  Oh my!  I broke into a sprint toward the calf to try to scare it off the road.  Almost as if it had a death wish, the animal ran from me for a distance, and then got right back on the road under the hill.  It was as if this silly animal had some gravitational pull to that piece of  road under that hill.  A couple more unsuccessful attempts running around in circles chasing the calf failed to get it off the road.  Headlights beamed over the top of us as we ran around in the shadow of the hill.  The car was getting close. 

 

No time.  To the top of the hill. With my light in one hand, waving my arms back and forth overhead. The vehicle didn’t slow.  To the opposite side of the road,   I waving my  light  back and forth.  The vehicle  didn’t slow.   Pointing the light directly into the vehicle, right at the driver,  waving the beam from side to side.  Still, the vehicle did not slow down. It sped past me like I wasn’t even there.

 

Bam!  Came that special, dreadful sound of a vehicle cracking into flesh and bone.  Brakes screeched. The vehicle finally stopped. A cloud of steam hissed from it into the night.  Making a dash  down the hill to the stopped  vehicle, I could see  the front hood was caved in.  A couple hundred feet up the road lay the mangled body of the dead calf.  It was my fear someone was hurt seriously or dead, that is, besides the calf.   Not sure what I was going to see, I opened the driver’s side door.  Two young men were just sitting there, looking forward,  like they were waiting at a red light for the light to change. 

“Are you guys all right.”

“Yeah, we’re okay.”

“Didn’t you see me trying to wave you off?”

“Huh?”  They didn’t seem overly concerned.  In fact, they were pretty calm or numb.  I am not sure.  From their demeanor I could  assume something  like this pretty much happened every night.  Maybe it did.

 

There was no smell of alcohol and the young men didn’t appear  intoxicated, but I could it was pretty plain to me that I wasn’t  dealing here with God’s gift to the intelligence pool right at that moment.   Scary thing was, that I had been running in the dark on this road many times not fully aware that people like that were driving up and down it.  For sure, I knew right then that I was going to be much more careful in future; maybe even curtail my night running.

 

“Can I help you push the vehicle off the road before someone comes along and hits you?

“Huh?  Well, I guess we could if you want to.” 

 

It’s a dangerous world.

 

Taking on the Hill of Life

 

Everyone who has biked a sizable hill knows the feeling.  At first, it isn’t too bad. Momentum carries you into the first part of the incline.  “This hill ain’t so bad!”

That is sort of how it is with youth.  Things come easy.  If we are blessed the hill goes on for us, they keep coming at us.    Into the hill, the legs start to strain and the breathing is getting more labored.  The arms are having to pump harder to help out.  Now you see upon looking up that the hill seems so much longer and steeper than it did before—and harder. Yes, it gets harder almost with each step. So at this stage of life the gloves start coming off for the youth.

It goes on and on, pedal stroke upon pedal stroke and we seem to be barely moving.  Dig down.  This is where the rubber meets the road.   We are youth growing up, become men and women in the real world. 

Then, it seems, as we begin to approach the top of the hill, we reach the steepest part.  This could be middle age, facing your frailties and now diminished ability.  You have changed but he hill hasn’t.  It stands as tall, as steep, and as resolute as when you were much younger.  

Now, it gets really tough.  Dig down. Don’t walk.  It hurts!  Don’t quit!  Keep going no matter how slowly. Then there is a more level spot as the hill gives up before we do and we breathe deeply to recover our wind and smile as best we can at the beauty of  it all. It was a very good day.  I was a very good life.