Saturday, February 7, 2015

Remaining a "Restless Warrior"

Below is a repost of a blog entry of mine from over 5 years ago. Much has changed but much has remained the same. I am still "restless" for life. Over those 5 years I have been knocked down several times, yet somehow got up again. Through it all I would like to think I have grown from all this: that I am more accepting of myself and others; more trusting in God, and happy with my place with Him. But, one thing hasn't changed and I wouldn't want it to: the call of adventure to come to the edge of myself still flickers a flame in these aged eyes. I am still a restless warrior.
The surgeon told me those years ago that my shoulder was so badly damaged that repairing the tear may not hold more than 5 years. It has held past that time, and I have have held too; relying on a Strength far above my own to remain a "Restless Warrior."


Yesterday the MRI report came in describing that I have tendon ruptures in a couple places in the shoulder. It looks like surgery and rehab are under my Christmas tree this year.
This is not the vision I had for the new year but it is the vision I am dealt.

The challenge will be not to give in to the ease, comfort, and passive lifestyle of a health care recipient but to remain a "restless warrior," seeing this setback as an opportunity to heal and regroup rather than a place to just lay it down; to become a fat old man.

So today I am fasting, more or less to implant a discipline against the seductive lifestyle of which I will be forced to partake. And I will be praying for a Strength that is far above my own.

Monday, January 26, 2015

Fighting the Good Fight on the Journey

It is piling up on me; the miles and hours on the indoor bike, the abysmal weather limited outdoor training, a hundred year old mother who has needed attention and pervaded my thoughts, the grandchildren and the constant temptation of candy and chips laid temptingly everywhere. On top of that - if I can admit it - I think I am afraid. Motivation to do this thing at all has ebbed and flowed. What can I say but the journey just got real; the course got rocky, and I got beaten down to an extent. Looking at all this through a vision and will that was clouded with fatigue and concern, I just wanted to go out the back door of this whole journey, slip off the course to a rest station and stay there for a long time.

Monday morning the sun is out. Sleep was good. And in the arm wrestling match with all that would weaken my resolve and end my journey, I can feel my strength pushing my hand and arm up again, in spite of the strong resistance. Yeah, I think I am back to even again; ready to put in another hard week on the journey. Through the smoke and haze of what I have been through I find that, indeed, I want to finish this journey. I want to "fight the good fight," even if I can't finish the race in time.....I promised God I would try.

I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. II Tim 4:7

Tuesday, January 20, 2015

A Good Week: Taking the Next Step

What made this past week so successful? Good weather? No, most of the training was indoors. Just felt great all the time? No, I had some really worn-out moments. Lots of people urging me on? No, not the case.

I really don't know what it was, but I would guess I turned a corner on this mile of the journey in my thinking. Boundaries were transgressed in spite of fatigue, repetition, soreness, and lack of motivation. It was done by just doing it: taking the next step out the door, or on that indoor bike, getting into the vehicle to drive for the swim. Just doing it. And the fact is, that is what I have faced on my other long endurance sports events. It gets down to overcoming by just moving forward. All the rah-rah, all the frills and such part away like the Red Sea did for Moses And there is only one way across: try not to look to the right or the left and keep moving forward until you reach the other side.

As a result of this week, I have more hope and confidence than ever for my ironman effort. And, if I get injured before the event; get sick, or whatever, and just can't get to the starting line, I will have had these moments, these weeks of the journey to draw from in my life and for my next journey. Thank you God for the great week of training that I experienced. May I have another?

Saturday, January 17, 2015

More Miles of the Journey - Giving Life to Life

Great block of training. Over three hours of running today, several miles of the journey done: my best week so far. So what does it mean? Not much, I am afraid; not in the long run that is. Years will pass over me, the miles, and the journey will disappear from all memory. Nothing will remain. So why? Because this life, this quest, is a journey. It doesn't exist to become the inscription on my headstone, but the journey for the moment is the destination, serving the purpose of being a worthy purpose. To me, a purposeless, passionless life is not life at all.

The miles of the journey, whatever that journey might be, gives life to life. And when that life is as dead and obscure as last years campfire, only God will remain. All that will matter will be purposes served for Him, through Him on this life on His journey.

Friday, January 16, 2015

More Miles on the Journey on the Bike

Today, I did another 30 miles on the bike trainer. Fatigue, but it has a good feeling to it. That probably doesn't make a lot of sense. However, this is getting serious. I am starting to believe or is it that I getting where I am choosing courage as my emotional option. But, training is going scarily well. Of course, there are no illusions. I will get hurt. If I get to the starting line, it will be a painful day. But, God is with me on this. I feel the purpose and am executing the plan. God bless me and keep me.

Thursday, January 15, 2015

90 Miles of the Journey

Just got off the bike trainer after almost 6 hours. Am I sure I want to do this ironman thing, anyway? Makes me wonder, spending so much time in one room, in one place, doing the same thing for almost 6 hours. One could say that is crazy. However, working an eight hour day at a tedious job is the same thing, isn't it. And, one does that at least 5 days each week.

And I have had some jobs I counted hours until the end of day. Isn't this so much better pedaling a bike, watching bike races, getting pumped up at the finishes, thinking about the ironman bike, monitoring speed and cadence. It's a good day and for the ability and time and opportunity, I thank you God.

Wednesday, January 14, 2015

Two Miles of the Journey - Swimming

Years ago it was colossal that I could swim a mile. And, sure, back then I stopped, got my breath, adjusted my goggles, took little breaks until I finally finished enough laps to have swum a whole mile. Amazing !

Today I only swam 2 miles: a regular recovery day. There was no stopping. I mostly had the pool to myself and swam strong, without stopping. Not bragging here but mightily thankful, that it wasn't that hard. If I had had more time, I would have done much more. But my goal is just to get out of the water feeling good at Ironman Texas. I did that for two miles of the journey today. After my good bike/run yesterday, I feel like a kid on Christmas morning. Thank you God...I appreciate this so much.

"Strength doesn't come from what you can do, it comes from overcoming things you thought you couldn't."