Day 60: Not Much

My back is still hurt from last week. My shoulder hurts from something I must have done yesterday; and my neck hurts along with it: nagging pain, and I had left for this bike ride not in the best frame of mind. My schedule said do 60 miles, but my motivation said if you can do 20 that might be enough. I couldn't find a good answer to the question: why do this?

The north wind was blowing, and that chill just added to the chill already in my soul for this ride; for the athletic experience. Painfully slow. Who cares. Am I really going to do this for several hours? No, surely not. Think of what I could be doing besides this: not much that means much; not much that can't wait until I get back. Goodness, but my back and neck don't seem to be hurting that much during the ride. Twenty miles into the ride and something seems different. Do I feel like quitting now. No, no much. I took the wind jacket off, ate something, got a big drink of water. What hurts now? Not much. My, but my pedaling seems so much smoother. There is still a lot of power in these old legs. Should I slow down and cool down the last few miles? Not much.

It is over; bowed over the handle bars in prayer. God has given me strength, perseverance, and courage today. What should I be afraid in my future? Not much.

Day 58: To Whom Much Is Given

Today I ran on the treadmill and swam a little over 3/4 of a  mile: a good day. This week is starting out so much better than last week and I can only hope it ends so much better also. This ironman pursuit; the training, can be such a roller coaster. But, so can life. From the lofty peaks and the dark valleys of this effort,  I can still see that God wants me in this. Sure, this may seem strange in this world,  but I can't help that. I would make it more believable if I could, but that is up to God. All I can say is:  it's the truth. Believed or not, it is still the truth. I am called out to this. My own "will to go on" has left the building a long time ago. My own determination, my own goal-seeking, my own effort ran out of gas a couple of years ago.

I am old, beat up, and covered up in cares, yet I am carried on;  I still go on for some reason, certainly not of my own strength. Perhaps this time the ironman will be a go; perhaps not.  But, perhaps now, God has me right where He wants me. "To whom much is given, much is required."


God never said the journey would be easy, but He did say that the arrival would be worthwhile.
Max Lucado

Day 57: Nothing to Lose

Amazing how easily it is to get off and stay off track. There is a vortex of ease and apathy that seems to pull at one who does not keep moving - at least it is that way with me. After two days off from training, it was so easy to put off putting my spirit into training. There is a strong temptation for ease, sameness, appetite, and an almost magnetic pull into the rut going nowhere. It is so easy to be turned aside and yet requires so much effort to stay on track. One really has to watch their back. The devil is coming after you in one form or the other, and the goal is to steal the force and squash the worthwhile dreams that only can come through discipline and effort.

So - do I go on? Or, do I succumb to the usual, the tasty, the comfortable; the rut. Regardless, of what might happen on the way to prize, there is no other good choice but to keep on until I can't go any more. What have I got to lose? God said, "Fear not, neither be ye dismayed." And, I have a good reason not to fear; not to be dismayed on some of these treacherous miles of the journey: "because the Lord thy God is with thee, whithersoever thou goest."

Day 56: Tomorrow

No training in two days. It seems like this latest problem with family medical has taken its motivational toll. Can I get started again? Do I really want to and possibly be derailed by something else? Tomorrow, I will try. Tomorrow, I will pray. Tomorrow I will obey. And if I obey to go on and cash in my chips, whatever God decides for me, I will learn to live with that. "I can do all things through Christ that strengthenth me." The good news is that it did give my back time to heal so no matter how this journey goes, "all things work together for those who love the Lord and are called according to His purpose."

Day 55: Cloudy Days

Rough day yesterday. But I did get a short run in and felt good about how my back held up. However, life happens on the way to heaven. And the rest of the day and the night got away unscathed by any serious training. This morning, it is raining and I still have much concern to take care of today. But, there is a sun behind those clouds and there is Son behind mine. And there is a God who has me covered on these twists and turns of the miles of my journey.

Day 54: Summiting the Tribulations

The back pain is still with me but I am mobile. Yesterday, I did a 2 hour and 49 minute trainer ride: no problem except now my right quad hurts. It isn't as if I have not expected trouble. It was just going too good. There has to come some storm and rain. "In the world ye shall have tribulations." The word is "shall", not "might" but "shall" have troubles. If it were not for the tribulation; if every day was all sunshine and rainbows, how could we ever have joy, appreciation and how could we ever gain endurance and perseverance? How could we ever become stronger, mentally, personally, and spiritually, if there were not mountains in our lives to climb? Thank God that He has given me enough heights to climb in this life and that I might finally summit one day unto the person He would have me be.

Day 53: Choose to Trust

Life is like a river and often we don't know what is around the bend. After a great week last week, this week started out badly and got worse. Needed a day off and took one; a complete day off. Yesterday, I went for a swim; the first serious swim in three weeks. In the health club getting ready for the swim, I leaned over and something seized up in my back. Back trouble has never been an issue with me. But, it became hard to straighten up without a lot of pain.

Somehow, I got dressed and went on down to get in the pool. At the end of each lap I would double up on the wall and stretch out my back. It wasn't the most pleasant swim but I did get about 2 miles done. It is still with me and one can guess the wonder, the doubt, the fear. But, this is where faith is tested and trust experienced or it is not. I chose to trust. Whatever happens to me; whatever happens to my training; I chose to trust and be grateful to God for the wonderful experiences I have already had yet ready to accept His will for my life and my training.

"To Whom Much is Given---"

Yesterday, I felt great despite having the largest week in training in 7 months. I had done over 200 miles on the bike and had a good week running. Life seemed on a roll that could not be stopped. So, I ran 6 miles and came right in and did 30 miles on my trainer bike. Should have thought it out better. Should have left time in recover from all the miles; all the hours training.

Woke up this morning, the day of my anniversary (43 years) and just felt one step off from death. The body, the mind, was on empty, leaving me feeling like all my blood had been drained out of me. Will I ever learn?

But, I felt a bit better later and it was my anniversary, so we went out to eat to celebrate. We don't go out to eat much at all. A lot of our food is home grown and most of the time home prepared. I guess we are used to that. The food was just awful! Even the water tasted like it came from an old rubber hose. On the way home, I thought how blessed I am not to have to eat out a lot. Blessed to live where I do and can raise a lot of my food. Blessed to have married someone who is the world's best cook. Blessed to have this opportunity. So, I need to stop making stupid, prideful decisions in my training. It is wasting the gift. Scripture says, "to whom much is given, much is required." No need wasting my "given" to feed my ego; next time, rest, recover, be thankful.

After all, this is all about God anyway, not about me. It is His call and my calling. Praise God.

Day 51: Winning the War: Today

My best week of training in over 6 months. A 44 mile bike ride today made it 204 miles on the bike this week. And, I don't feel trashed. Is this a dream? Still my knee hurts and won't support me when I first wake up in the morning but after loosening it up, there is little problem. Sometimes right in the middle of ride or run, there is severe pain which often stops me cold but I can get going again. The pain goes away. It is like a war going on with my old legs to keep them viable. Right now, it is a war I am winning.

The struggle to be all God wants me to be is the same kind of war. Yeah, times I do real well; going along fine. Then, I do something so counter to all I claim in my faith, and my behavior doesn't support my profession. But, I have Jesus to get me going again, and to keep going forward to be all He would have me be, in my faith life and in my training as well. Sometimes, it hard to tell them apart.

DAY 50: Being Free With My Grateful

Amazing that it has been 50 days since I started blogging this adventure. Today, I got my 10 mile run in: the run I cut short yesterday because of the lightning. After spending the morning outside doing stuff with the grandchildren, afternoon found me on my trails trying to get that long run in. I wish I could write something significant and insightful but things are going so well: good days have left me little to write about, it seems.

Now is the time I must be the most careful. It can be so easy to be lulled to sleep by success and vigilance lost in the process. There is a quote that: "The price of freedom is eternal vigilance." I want to be free: free from injury, free from illness of myself and my loved ones; free with my grateful. Perhaps that is the key to remaining vigilant during good times; to remain vividly grateful for the blessings God has bestowed on me right now. "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." And one of those "all things" is gratefulness for the blessing that was today.

Day 49: Unchanged and Unchanging.

So overcast it seems almost dark: raining; now and then the sound of thunder. I had my long run planned but had to cut short at 3 miles as the lightning got too frequent for me to feel safe in the woods running. The same woods that yesterday were beautiful in the fall coolness, the leaves of the trees turning; the leaf strewn path; today, is somewhat dark, dripping, and foreboding: same woods, different weather. The beauty is still there but it is more difficult to see through the dark and rain.

Sometimes when it seems dark and rainy in my life, it gets difficult to see God in it all. Life can get soggy underfoot and the traction God gave in perfect weather seems to have been taken away. But, this is where faith is built: on the dark, soggy footing days, when all you can see is a dim remembrance of the blessings of God in better weather. This is where feel good faith is moved from emotion and theology to confront reality. Yes, God is real; just as real today when my vision of Him might be limited as when it was yesterday when His world was full of hope and color. I know in this training the dim light times will come. There is still Hope. There is still God, unlike the weather: unchanged and unchanging.

“Faith is the bird that feels the light and sings when the dawn is still dark.” ― Rabindranath Tagore

Day 48: Finishing Well

Yesterday I did a 30 mile trainer bike and a 2 mile run. Today, I did a 50 mile outdoor bike. Started off sort of puny but got stronger the more miles I had in my legs. This is great stuff: feeling strong on the hills on a longer ride outdoors; a better finish than beginning. What beautiful weather. At this stage of life, these days are especially delicious.

I remember a couple years ago passing on this same course in the car on the way to the emergency room; thinking I just might die. I can remember looking at my course and thinking of all the good rides and how great it would be just to have one more great ride there. God has granted my wish many times over now. And I praise Him that I am still finishing well, in His care.

Day 47: Peaceful Mode

Yesterday I did a 40 mile trainer ride and followed with a 2 mile brick run. I don't feel beat down by a couple days of good training in a row at all. The sun is shining. The cloudless sky is beautifully blue. The leaves are sifting down to earth. My world is in peaceful mode. No matter what happens to the rest of the training, I have this day, this moment, to be truly alive in. "Yesterday's gone and tomorrow may never come, but we have this moment today." Thank God for that. I feel rich though I am pretty much poor, materially. Yeah, stuff will come up. I know that. There will times of intense fatigue, shattering disappointment, nagging pain, and severe frustration. And, in those moments, it will be hard to recall this peace I feel watching the falling leaves of today.

Recall is one of the reasons I do this blog to begin with: so that when my world seems to start to fall apart, I can go back to this and more vividly recall all God has given me and know that frustration, disappointment, and pain, are temporary; but hope, His Hope springs eternal.

Day 46: Doing Better Before It Gets Too Dark

Yesterday, I did a 30 mile indoor bike ride and followed it with a 4 mile run. It was supposed to be a 6 mile run but it got dark on me before I could finish. Can't help it getting dark, right? With the snakes still out, it would be wise not to run in the woods in the dark, right? So, it isn't my fault I didn't complete the entire workout, right? Wrong!

Should have started sooner on the workout. The problem wasn't the dark, but not making my training important enough to start early enough to finish it. Too many good things kept me from doing the best thing: the thing I said I would; the thing I had scheduled to do for that day. I was turned aside by lesser things from starting early enough on the greater thing.

I found myself doing that in my faith life too. Waking up in the morning I sometimes go right into thinking about the plans for the day without regards to praying to One who has gifted me the day to begin with. Too often I focus on lesser things rather than my greater God. OK. Today is yet another opportunity to get this training right and to give God the place in my life He surely should have. Need to do better at this before it gets too dark.

Day 45: Putting Foundations Under Dreams

It is still dark outside. Today, I sort of ramp up on the training. At least, I plan to. Plans are fun to make. And, unless the electricity is out of something, there is little effort or sweat involved. People make plans all the time for great and wonderful things to do but great and wonderful don't seem to come along quite as often as planned for. There is a quote that goes something like, "plans are but dreams until their effects be tried." And sure, we should dream big dreams, but dreaming is well traveled ground because it is the easy part. Thoreau wrote, "If you have put built your castles in the air, that is where they should be. Now, put the foundation under them."

So, today I am going into the foundation business but not without that firm foundation and that is my dependence on God. I plan to be the worker, but He is the project supervisor; putting foundations under dreams.

Day 44: Suffering, Enduring, and Overcoming

Yesterday I ran a couple miles and did a workout video session on the trainer. I have done this trainer video session before and remember it as more difficult. Does this mean something? Am I get older AND better? In everything but running, I think that is true. Writing out my schedule I think about 60-100 mile bike rides, 2-3 miles swims without reservation. There is a surety there that has grown with what I have suffered, endured, overcome. I think God for that.

And my surety, my faith has grown as well in the process of suffering, enduring, and overcoming. The more I live by faith, the more faith lives in me; the more I realize that indeed, "I am His child and I am not afraid."

Day 43: "Be Strong and of Good Courage"

Yesterday as a pretty good training day. 3.5 mile run, a 2 hour trainer ride. It is still dark and I am wanting to get out there and run before the rains come. At my age, life's roadblocks could pop up at any moment. Time is of the essence. The awareness of the brevity of my life now and the diminishing opportunities, adds a certain intensity to life which isn't all bad. In fact, I wish I had had this time/opportunity awareness when I was younger. Now, I don't have time to be less than courageous.

And what does courageous mean? I think it means saying no to time squandering. The money is running low. Spend it wisely on things that truly matter. I think it also means saying yes to worthwhile matters with uncertain outcomes; like possibly the ironman or publishing my book.

Training and competition is so aligned with our faith walk that it is hard to separate the two sometimes. The Bible says, "Be strong and of good courage---." I read that as strong in body, mind, heart, purpose, and dedication to the Lord. But strength without action is an idle tale. We are to have a goodly amount of courage to use the gifts God has placed before us and within us, no matter the amount of time we think we have left in this world. Let God keep my time and times as I train for the "race set before me."

Day 42: It Is Well With My Soul

No training so far today except about an hour splitting firewood. I am ready for winter and I got in a sort of strength workout at the same time. If I were to do an ironman that is what I would like to feel like: the wood is all split and I am ready for the event. There is sort of a sense of well-being in facing the winter with a huge stack of wood right out there. I would want that sense of well-being at the beginning of an ironman I might get to attempt.

At the same time, when that winter day comes that I might leave this earth entirely, I can look at a life well lived and thank God, praise Jesus that "it is well with my soul."

Day 41: Sliding Into Normalhood.

Yesterday was a bust as far as training is concerned. The outside pool was unheated and the waters chilled me to the bone after only a quarter mile. I got out. Sort of lost focus after that swim but did get a lot of other things done. But, training this week hasn't happened yet. I can feel myself sliding into normalhood. Plant my feet, stop the mental slide. Get to moving up the hill again instead of sliding down it.

My faith has done that at times. A missed moment or opportunity here and there and over time I have slid some distance from a real and abiding faith. Most of all I have to guard myself against that because - I believe - as long as I nourish the real and abiding faith first, the physical world training will follow sooner or later. Ok. Now is sooner. Time to go for a 6 mile run...Thanks God.

Day 40: A Small Step Forward

Time passes fast like this: counting out the experiences on a daily basis. Yesterday I took a day off; a complete day off. Today, I begin again, the incremental progress toward being the athlete I want to be. I am not like superman and can go into a phone booth and bust out all buff and ready to take on the bad guys. No, I am just ordinary folk trying to do something extraordinary, and there are no phone booths in my life. With God, I have to incrementally build to the person I want to be. It is that way with being degraded too. We don't lose fitness overnight but little by little, day by day we lose until we find ourselves flabby and out of shape. How we got here? It was erosion; erosion of plan, of purpose, day by day until finally find we have sufficiently mislead ourselves into a hole that will be difficult to climb out.

The same with our faith. We drift away from God one day, one missed opportunity at a time. One missed day of prayer, one missed day of reading and studying His Word, one missed moment to comfort someone by showing them the Love of God through you. Before we know it, we can look just like the rest of the world, and our lives, our witness, have a severely diminished impact. We become invisible Christians. Our light goes out; and it didn't happen overnight.

"Let your light so shine before men that they may see your good works and glorify your Father in Heaven."
The keep the light shining it is a daily walk to charge those batteries or fill the lamps with oil or whatever keeps the light of God shining within you. Today, though the sun is shining long rays through the trees and my body and spirit are charged, filled, being built up rather than eroded away. Today, I can take a small step forward to who I can be.